Feeling something but don’t know what it is and why I’m close to start crying

This picture shows as accurately as possible my emotional state. I don’t even know what would help me. I started realising that this is one of my life long problems and have no idea what to do about it. I feel so much fatigue that I can’t do anything, I’m stuck. Recently I continued my project - tram lines and time tables but now I can’t even do this. 

Just sharing, not sure why. Maybe anyone experiences similar or has any advice.

sorry for pessimistic post, tried to make it short

  • Hi Alien0n3arth,

    Thank you for posting to the online community about how you are feeling. I am sorry to hear you are struggling with your mental health and experiencing fatigue. 

    Bellow are some resources on the NAS website that may be useful to you:

    Autistic fatigue: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/autistic-fatigue

    Depression: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/depression

    You could also search for local therapists who specialise in autism using the NAS service directory: 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/autism-services-directory

    I hope this helps. 

    Gina Mod 

  • Maybe you're grieving for yourself? For all the lost opportunities, things that could have happened and didn't, things that did happen and shouldn't of. It's perfectly Ok to grieve for yourself, you don't need to be ill or dying to do so, it's just an emotional release for all the might have beens, I think we should all allow ourselves time to do this, it's important to let go of things so as new things can come along and enter our lives. Most of those things won't be massive, huge events, but smaller ones, all the little things that trip us up on a daily basis, maybe this is why you don't know why you're crying and feeling so low?

    Have you had your Vitamin levels checked by the doc? You could be low in B12, iron and vit D?

    I don't think this is a pessamistic post, you're looking for help and some answers to what's a confusing and exhausting situation, stop beating yourself up.

    You're a very talented artist by the way.

  • I see - I can understand that. It’s very unsettling when the things we often find comfort from stop helping. I find your phrase ‘looking for ways to free myself’ very interesting. I’ve often felt like this. I was watching something the other day and it said “ask yourself what is stopping you from feeling free” - and try to establish what’s driving the way you are feeling. I sometimes find it helpful to get a notebook and write things down - sometimes you can learn a lot by trying to put feelings into words like that. It can help to clarify what the underlying problems are that are making you feel this way.How are you with getting in the outdoors - is that helpful at all? Yesterday I was feeling overwhelmed and I went to a local National Trust property with huge grounds and woodland and I just spent a few hours walking about, sitting on benches, reading and just people watching. Getting out the house and into nature really helped me yesterday. Sometimes a change of scenery can help, or just re arranging things in your house or room - even if it’s just clearing out one draw. I’m not sleeping well either at the moment - and that always makes things a bit harder. 
    Do you think there might be physical health issues behind your tiredness? You could be deficient in iron or b12 for example? You could always get a blood test from your gp to check that maybe? 

  • I often feel exhausted for no obvious reason and sleep and rest does not help me. Watching anything on tv is exhausting and I can’t watch long because of sensory issues. Binge eating sweets is also not good - I already gained some weight and it makes no difference in my mood or feeling. Doing my hobby is also exhausting and I feel something like trapped in this body and looking ways to free myself. 

  • Thank you all for the answers, I painted these pictures around 2 months ago, they are not new. I worked on the timetable last week and there is still much to do but I’m kinda tired of being alive and if this crazy world. 

  • You're very talented. Those look amazing!

    I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. A lot of what you're experiencing i think a lot of us here can relate and sympathise with. Try to rest up, regain your energy, and slowly but surely you can try to do more. I would start with smaller things and do more as in when you feel able to. That's what I do when I'm facing fatigue and a mixture of emotions.

    It helps.

    Try to be kind to yourself and give yourself plenty of time. We're all here for you, rooting for you, and wishing you well.

    Write as much or as little as you like x

  • Have you painted this? It’s really good! 
    I’m sorry you’re struggling at the moment. I imagine there’s not a single person in this community that doesn’t relate. I often feel completely exhausted by life - as do the other autistic people in my family. One thing I try to practice now is acceptance. We feel what we feel, and if we fight it or run away from it we usually end up feeling worse and that’s just more exhausting. So try to just allow the feeling to be there - and take reassurance from the fact that everything in life is impermanent - both the good things and the bad things. So however you’re feeling now it will change, practice self care, try to cultivate what joy you can by focusing on even the smallest pleasures in your life - such as drinking a hot chocolate, or making a toasted sandwich, or sitting in the sunshine. I find listening to music particularly helpful when my mood is low. I also find getting into a good series on tv streaming good too - because I get into the story and ‘forget myself’. Being autistic isn’t easy, and we need to build up a little ‘library’ of strategies to turn to when we’re struggling. For me going out for a walk really helps, 

    Thank you for sharing how you feel - it helps us all on here to know that we’re not alone. 

  • Understandable. Being blocked after barely gathering enough momentum to do anything while already feeling fatigue is rather frustrating. It’s great that you’re still drawing though since that seems to help you in your therapy. Hopefully you and your therapist will figure out some coping strategies and maybe the reason behind all of this. Knowing where something comes from can be just as important as looking for possible solutions.

  • thank you, I remember Paul Micalleff in his channel “Asperger from the inside” said that in burnout you loose energy to do anything that gave you fun before. I don’t know what I’m feeling so I can’t differentiate if it’s burnout or depression or anything else. I drew more pictures to show them my therapist 

    i think here it also may play a role, that I would like to do something related to my hobby, but I’m being constantly interrupted and disturbed. There is too much going on and I’m overwhelmed.

  • Thank you for your answer, I don’t know if I’m frustrated because I can’t recognize what I’m feeling and where it came from. It’s usual for me. 

  • You may be depressed.

    You can be autistic and depressed.

    In burnout you will still be able to do your special interest(s) and it will help.

    In depression you will not want to do anything.

    Sleep is disturbed in depression. Sleeping more does not help depression but does help burnout.

    In both you will want to withdraw, but in depression it can make it worse, in burnout it is a coping mechanism.

  • It’s okay. These thoughts and feelings exist and you’re free to post about them whenever.

    Fatigue and frustration (?) are well-known feelings for many on here, I think. You’re not alone, even though you might feel like it right now. Maybe those feelings pile up over longer periods of time and then just burst out as the urge to loose them through crying. There are many things I’d like to do, but am unable to without completely draining myself. This thought frustrates me endlessly. There are days that feel slow and sometimes I can’t bear that feeling of missing out on life because I’m stuck in my safe space while sitting out those days.

    Maybe that’s not at all what you’re experiencing, maybe it is in some regard. Try to treat yourself with patience. It is (unfortunately) very likely that you’ll feel more frequent and heavier fatigue than many neurotypical people. Rest, recharge and track how you’re feeling (since burnout is also a common thing among autistic folks). 
    Sometimes resting can be fun (pursuing interests or working on relaxing projects). However, there are times when resting isn’t fun, because your body literally cannot do anything and the endless frustration about that just adds to this feeling.

    Sorry you’re feeling the way you do and sorry that I couldn’t help any further. You’re a strong, creative and kind person (at least that’s my personal impression of you).