Its my 30th birthday Monday.

Wishing you a happy birthday - hope you have a nice day.

BIRTHDAY congratulations Casey!

May your you be supported by our well wishes on this day! 

Casey240 said:

I definetly compare myself way too much. But I do it with others who are autistic too, and feel like they are able to do things I can't.

My friend, I'm not criticising.  It's just a trait.  I did it myself. 

I know why I did it - in my case I had a tumultuous childhood and was continually told I was no good, and I ended up believing it.  I guess part of me still believes it.

There will always be people who are better at things than we are, and there ARE things that you can do better than others do.  I would bet on it.  That's an inarguable fact.  

It could be that you haven't discovered some of your best qualities yet.  That time will come.  

"Good B i r t h d a y Morning".

(Gentle-anti-spam-filter-challenge-reminder-to-all: please try to share support of Casey240 receiving messages within Monday - as opposed to them risk getting late delivered - by being creative and trying to use a uniquely-worded phrase to convey their own message's meaning).

There are likely to be many of us here on the Community at different times of today (because we represent lots of different decades of age groups - as lived experience proof: that Autistic people find lots of different ways to thrive and celebrate a broad range of special days, not just the ones like this morning).

Any chance you can make yourself a slightly different breakfast "this" morning, or maybe put on some favourite music to enjoy while you have your usual / preferred / routine breakfast?

Happy birthday!

Hi and welcome Casey240, sorry to read about your struggles. Unfortunately milestone birthdays do have a way of making you think about your accomplishments etc. Do you feel like you are able to do some voluntary work or is that not allowed with benefits? Sorry I'm not well up on that stuff. Seems to me you somehow need to get out of the rut you find yourself in, maybe joining some kind of group thing? 

Yes I will need to swallow the pride I have around asking for help  and atleast try. Turns out that trying to be invisible as much as possible doesn't make the problems dissapear 

I’m sorry and I can understand that the prospect of doing a course feels daunting. 

It is positive that you know some of the outcomes you want, you just have to find a way to get there, so perhaps your GP could help? 

Some mental health services run courses on improving self esteem and controlling anxiety. I still fall back on things I learned on a self esteem course years ago. You have as much right as anyone else to be where you want to be, and to say or not say what you want - you just need a bit of expert help to show you how. Perhaps your 30th birthday present to yourself could be to make the first move? 

Get some Vitamin C and D3 into you.

I have Elderberry Syrup, and Seven Seas Cod-Liver Oil; for that.

Hang in there.

My Thirtieth Birthday was the day Michael Jackson died.

Thankyou for the info. I'm sure there are many things out there but I've been living under my rock and in my bubble for so long that the outside world really frightens me. My confidence is really low and while id love to start a course of some sort.. it all seems really daunting. I want the outcome, but have a huge amount of anxiety about the process. So I end up becoming quite overwhelmed and quitting. I unfortunately have quit a lot of things and I feel this has ruined my confidence in myself even more.

Thankyou for the kind words. I definetly compare myself way too much. But I do it with others who are autistic too, and feel like they are able to do things I can't.. and I know its a spectrum and we all have strengths and weakness's. I just put myself down way too much and think I need to swallow my pride and make an apointment with my GP. 

I end up having some really good positive days, maybe even weeks where I trick myself into thinking that I'm not that in need of help and things are improving, but I end up circling back round again to the same feelings. 

Casey240 said:

ife does get better, even tho the odds are stacked against

It may get better when you stop measuring your achievements against everyone else.  Life isn't one great big competition, even though it can really feel like it sometimes.

Someone decreed that there should be this pathway, and we all know it started with rocking up at the Primary School at a certain age & ultimately retiring at 66.   You have to have the good job, the grandkids, the X holidays per year, and all the other things that Neurotypical society decided would be the markers of conventional life, right? 

Wrong

For many of us, life represents a challenge just to make it through to the next day.  To negotiate life & the weird people that aren't ND.  Masking is hard work.  It is draining, and soul destroying.  Give it up, at least on the inside, and when nobody is looking.  Perhaps even in front of those you can trust. 

I think you've done well to make 30 (not that I didn't think you wouldn't).   Perhaps you need a lift.

It isn't a question of pity party, it is a question of putting your thoughts in a sequence that suits your mindset - not theirs.   Maybe speak to your GP about some counselling/ talking therapy?  Talk through some of these issues that are bothering you.   Therapists are there to listen not judge.

Ask your GP about social prescribing.  This matches people with groups & activities locally that may suit.  Not necessarily autism-related, but something different to give new focus.  Why not give it a go?  

https://www.england.nhs.uk/personalisedcare/social-prescribing/#:~:text=Social%20prescribing%20is%20an%20all,needs%20which%20affect%20their%20wellbeing.

Give yourself a pat on the back.  You are doing okay.  Today you found this forum - it's a positive step.  

Hi Casey, Welcome to the forum. 

I’m sorry that things aren’t going as well as you would like. I’m in my 60s and I remember my 30th birthday vividly. I dreaded leaving my 20s and felt that I didn’t have a good excuse for ‘not getting anywhere in life’ now that I would be 30. Turning 40, 50 and 60 was much easier and I’m definitely feeling better mentally now than I was back then.

I’m wondering if there are any courses that could give you the skills you need to have more confidence and self esteem, or even do something related to your interests? I think that most universities run short leisure courses for adults in all sorts of things and you don’t need any qualifications or special skills to enrol. There may be something like a 2 hour per week, 10 week course on “Women writers of the 20th century”, or “Introduction to talking about literature”  and there could be a concession fee for people who aren’t working.

The university where I live will be starting its summer programme after Easter. There are courses on photography, public speaking, bird watching, history, archaeology, literature, languages, geology, sculpture, painting … For the last 5 years, I have been going to one course or another, and they have enriched my life. 

It could be worth checking out the local library if you have one, just to see if they are running anything of interest.

This is also how I feel in regards different intrests. I get bored of surface level conversation and worry ill overshare and make the conversation akward. I definetly feel I need to go to therapy, which I have tried to do before I had a diagnosis but I didnt stick with it as my mind tends to just stop engaging with things long term

I understand about not wanting to answer questions about your life - although people are only usually trying to be friendly, the questions can sometimes feel.intrusive. I don't see any family now, although I have my partner who I live with. I'm retired, but when I was working I always felt a bit like "the odd one out" in the office - I didn't talk about family members, I didn't like socialising and I had different interests to the other women such as playing video games and reading sci-fi/ fantasy novels. 

You have no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed though. Hopefully talking with other "different" people here will help you feel less alone. Maybe you could ask your doctor for a referral for therapy if you think that might help?

You're welcome and hope you feel better soon. 

Thanks for the welcome

Unfortunately I really dont have anyone in my life who I can go out for a coffee with. I've thought about treating myself to a massage but at the same time quite low on money so I figured any birthday money I do get I should use on the essentials I need.

Id love to have a job and be able to make my own money, but I think for a long time I've downplayed how little confidence I have in myself. Its really bad. Pushing myself to make friends is very hard and I usually go out of my way to avoid any socialising anywhere. I'm always just really embarrased about my life, and I feel so much shame around it that I just know that at some point questions about my life will come up as they do in conversation and I don't want to be reminded of that feeling of shame around it, or to even have to speak any of it out loud.

Hello my intrests are also reading ( when I have the head space) , I use to enjoy photography myself a lot, but for some reason It sort of faded away. That happens with a lot of my intrests, I tend to nose dive into them and then I just become.. disintrested? Always been so frustrating as when I find a new one I'm super excited about it and feel like this could be the one I stick with! But it never has. What's even more frustrating is I tend to be good at most things I try.

I've also had a cold the past few days leading up to my birthday too which I think has given me more reason to feel sorry for myself. 

Thanks for the welcome :) 

Hi and welcome to the community.

I also hated turning 30 - it's a horrible age when you're no longer young and you start to wonder what you could/ should have achieved by then. I'm in my sixties now and I'm much more content, so for me it did get better.

I'm sorry to hear that you have no one to spend time with on your birthday. Is there anyone you know who you  could arrange to spend some time with, such as meeting for a coffee and cake? If not, perhaps you could use your birthday money on a treat such as a hairdresser appointment, get your nails done, or have a massage - something where you will be "pampered" and be able to chat with someone .

In terms of trying to improve how you feel, think about a couple of things you would like to change in your life and then try to work out how to achieve those changes. Would you like to study or train for a career? If so, ask for information at your job centre and local colleges. Would you like to make new friends? Try to find out if there are any local groups you could join that interest you - it's easier to make conversation with somebody when you share an interest. You have also made a start on interacting with people by joining this website, so well done for taking that step and I hope you find it useful and find some friends here.