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Its my 30th birthday Monday.

Casey240

I really dread my birthdays, as they remind me how little I have acomplished and how few people I have in my life, but this year especially feels like a milestone and I feel really down about it. Ill be spending it alone which doesn't help, my family don't really make a big deal of birthdays and just send me money. Im reminded how I have no friendships, will probably never be able to hold down a relationship or a job :( which bugs me because I'm actually pretty inteligent but I get very overwhelmed quickly and just shutdown or meltdown. Im pretty well put together in the sence that I take care of my apperence, reistance train a lot and get my hair done and wear fairly decent clothes, which makes me feel even more of a fraud because I don't look how I feel, which makes me appear even less like I need help but internally I'm screaming. I don't even know where to go for help at this point or what to say. I was diagnosed autistic two years ago, and I haven't spoken to anyone about it really. No therapy or anything. I'm unemployed and don't get any extra money as I'm not deemed 'unwell' enough I guess. I'm at a loss really. A part of me for so long has just wanted to be invisible, I deleted all social media accounts years ago, but I'm starting to realise now that pretending I don't exist probably isn't helping me. Sorry for the rant, I truly hate the pity party feeling hence I haven't ever asked for help. I guess I'm just hoping someone says that life does get better, even tho the odds are stacked against me. Thanks for reading.

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  • "Good B i r t h d a y Morning".

    (Gentle-anti-spam-filter-challenge-reminder-to-all: please try to share support of Casey240 receiving messages within Monday - as opposed to them risk getting late delivered - by being creative and trying to use a uniquely-worded phrase to convey their own message's meaning).

    There are likely to be many of us here on the Community at different times of today (because we represent lots of different decades of age groups - as lived experience proof: that Autistic people find lots of different ways to thrive and celebrate a broad range of special days, not just the ones like this morning).

    Any chance you can make yourself a slightly different breakfast "this" morning, or maybe put on some favourite music to enjoy while you have your usual / preferred / routine breakfast?

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  • "Good B i r t h d a y Morning".

    (Gentle-anti-spam-filter-challenge-reminder-to-all: please try to share support of Casey240 receiving messages within Monday - as opposed to them risk getting late delivered - by being creative and trying to use a uniquely-worded phrase to convey their own message's meaning).

    There are likely to be many of us here on the Community at different times of today (because we represent lots of different decades of age groups - as lived experience proof: that Autistic people find lots of different ways to thrive and celebrate a broad range of special days, not just the ones like this morning).

    Any chance you can make yourself a slightly different breakfast "this" morning, or maybe put on some favourite music to enjoy while you have your usual / preferred / routine breakfast?

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