Need help with anxiety

The NAS has some guidance on Anxiety which you can access here

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/anxiety

Personally I don't think it is sad to have a comfort bear.  I still walk around with fidget toys / cubes and I have a bear hidden away In my bag that nobody even knows about until I just confessed.   I think we do what we need to do.  

I am really sorry you feel this way, but you are far from alone, certainly in this place.  Have you spoken with your GP about anxiety?  

Thank you. That's an informatively helpful page, bookmarked it for future use.

I'm glad I'm not the only one with comfort items. I use chewllery a lot as well, find it helpful and soothing. It does hurt my jaw though so I've been trying to find other things like my bear to comfort me when I'm feeling anxious. I've seen my GP but she hasn't been able to do much, pills were ineffective sadly and I tried a talking therapy which I didn't respond to. I've now been referred to CBT which I'm hoping will help me with the anxiety.

Even a little help would go a long way. I feel I'm missing out on so much life because of anxiety.

I'd also suggest trying to find out if there's any support available locally to go with the support you've found here.

Ask your GP about social prescribing, which is essentially matching people with groups & activities that may be of benefit.  These could be ASD related, or not.  Some may involve just meeting new people, or learning new skills and hobbies. 

https://www.england.nhs.uk/personalisedcare/social-prescribing/

I think we can feel we are missing out partly because we often compare ourselves to Neurotypical people. We look at them and figure we aren't living as they are - yet we aren't wired like them.  I think there's hope and scope to craft our own paths though when we realise we have different ways of being. 

I’m so glad that you are going to look into these things Legylo - because I feel 100% sure they can’t do any harm - and in my experience you’re very likely to get at least a few helpful things from them - and possibly a lot :)     I can really relate to what you say about how struggling with anxiety can mean we miss out on lots of really good experiences and opportunities. It can also impede our judgement. The impact of it is so wide ranging, and like you I found that the doctor didn’t have anything for me that actually helped (in fact being on Cipralex was one of the worst experiences of my life). I think Thich Nhat Hanh talks are very soothing - I often put one on when I go to sleep and his voice is so calm that I usually fall asleep listening to it! I have a subscription to Audible and they have a lot of talks on there too - many of which are free (well - included in the membership fee). 
Even though I still get anxious sometimes I find that it doesn’t last so long now too - it’s as if I’ve got a better ‘recovery time’ after I have raised anxiety for any reason. 
I’m sorry that you had bad experiences as a child too. In Buddhism they talk about getting “caught” in the past, and how to free yourself from that. In fact they talk a lot about freedom in general - because when we are being overwhelmed by negative feelings we are not truly free. We need to free ourselves from the past and live in the here and now.

i understand your worries about money and benefits - for a long while I felt physically ill with worrying about all of that. My situation is a little better now - but the memories of that mean I totally understand what you mean about how stressful that can be. My heart still skips a beat when I see a brown envelope has come through the letterbox - and often I leave them for my husband to open because I can’t face them! Bad memories leave scars certainly - but life will always have some stresses because that’s almost inevitable. There are no easy answers to the stresses of dealing with the benefits system - I think it’s designed to be intimidating and to scare us. However : whatever problems we are facing it’s important to just take things day by day and not look ahead to what MIGHT happen. Because often the things we worry ourselves sick about never actually DO happen - and worrying now won’t stop them happening anyway - so achieves nothing. 

Anyway - I hope the things we’ve talked about are helpful to you - it might take some time but I’ve found them truly life changing. The change is gradual, but I’m definitely a happier person for learning these things. Good luck ! 

Legylo said:

My dad said he would for me to help him in the garden so looks like I'll be out there today...

That sounds good.  I hope it isn't too MUDDY for you 

I think I said before, you can also speak to your GP about social prescribing - perhaps not all the groups are listed at the village hall?  

Let us know how you get on.  As I say, I understand the motivation problem (been there) and I appreciate the sense of humour 

My dad said he would for me to help him in the garden so looks like I'll be out there today...I'm going to do some weeding and general tidying up.

Motivation is weird. Some days I have a little motivation and other days there's nothing, on those days I don't like to leave my bed I have to force myself to get up and actually do things. I have to go out today so I will have a look in the village hall.....see if there are any groups I might have an interest in. Something my come from that.

Thank you, I appreciate all the help you have given me.....I'll pay any medical bills, if you fall off your seat helping me XD

Legylo said:

It looks bad to me….. XD but I’ll try to start calling it mud

Perhaps start with some weeding.  Or pruning.  Leave the actual mud-work for a bit.  You can get gloves anywhere (I am sure your Dad will have a spare pair or can get you some)

I do KNOW about the motivational thing.  BUT I promise you that if you do start doing things like this, and have tiny little bits of enjoyment, that will to actually do it yourself will come. Slowly.  May not be gardening, but with something else.  

I may fall of my seat while I am writing this reply to you but I am still doing it - because I want to, because I am trying to help & because it may make a difference    I do get it though.  

It looks bad to me….. XD but I’ll try to start calling it mud.

My dads out in the garden a lot so next time I might go out and help a bit. I don’t have any gloves, I have old trainers that still fit but aren’t looking good enough to go out in public in them….I have old jeans and a jumper I can wear too.

I’m not sure if it’s anxiety or depression…or autism….but I struggle so bad with motivation. Like I’ll have an idea, lets say to go for a walk and then I lose all the motivation and get loads of negative thoughts of why it’s a bad idea…..

I might fall, I might get sick, I might get too hot. It’s always thoughts like that and no matter how much I try to dismiss them I can’t get the motivation to do it again.

Legylo said:

How do you cope with the dirt?

Perhaps if you start calling it mud, not dirt.  Because dirt implies bad.  Mud is just something that washes off.

But yes, gardening gloves - good ones.  Old boots or trainers you don't use for anything else, in fact a whole outfit you don't use for anything else - because if it gets grubby - it doesn't matter. 

Put the whole lot in a bag when finished until next time.... 

The idea is to let go of those anxieties (including that one about 'dirt') just for a little while.  And while you're there you might interact with others, or nature, or enjoy the weather, or something else.  It isn't necessarily about the gardening at all.  

I've moved on to tea and water now :) though I will still have a diet coke maybe every now and then, as a treat....Won't go back to regular coca cola though I can't be trusted XD

Not sure what group I would like. I need to go to the village hall and see what's happening, if there are any gaming groups that would be good. Or Lego groups....that would be a fun one for me. I'll check what's about.

That's cool that you found a new healthy hobby in gardening. How do you cope with the dirt? I like the idea of gardening because of growing flowers....but the dirt would be a lot of stress for me. That said I guess I could get some gloves...

Where I live I've seen foxes, rabbits and even a pheasant in my garden. Saw this pheasant last weekend....

Thanks O & O.

I'm drinking Camomile tea now ^-^ I was drinking so much cola and it turns out according to my doctor coca cola (caffeine) also triggers anxiety, so I cut that out completely and have already felt a bit better.

TheCatWoman said:

Maybe the type of therapy you've had previously hasn't bee the right one for you?

I think so. I read online that some therapies work for someone but not for everyone, so it is very much a case of trying to see what works and what doesn't. I'm hoping my next one will be a winner, if not I will keep looking until find one that works....Kate has also suggested me some mindfulness and Buddhist practices...I will try those in the meantime.

Wow thanks for this Kate......I’m so grateful for your help here. I didn’t react well to medication either, I endured a lot of physical side effects and it just made my anxiety and depression worse. They tried me on Citalopram first, then moved me on to Sertraline which was even worse. I don’t know why medication made everything so much worse……My doctor suggested it was because I’m over-sensitive, either way, I don’t take anything anymore. Last time put me off for life. Thank you for the book suggestion, I put The Power of Now book in my watch list on eBay, I’ll buy it tomorrow as that’s when I next have money. I hope I’ll be able to change the way I think…….Pretty much the way I look at the world, myself, everything….is completely negatively. I can’t help it, I see the worst and I expect the worst to happen all the time. I think that’s why I’ve been referred for these things so they can try and get inside my head to find the problem.

I think it’s all autism related, perhaps grief and abuse too but I think mostly down to autism.

I’m so sorry that your parents treated you like that when you were little….I was abused in ways as a child and I know how that can cut and scar you so deeply, and unfortunately follow you in to adult life. I hope you’re doing better now and are happy. I think you are right about certain things, especially during childhood, lead to anxieties and depression later in life. Like you in hospital, when I was little I TU (vomited) so much as a child….I think down to my over-sensitive stomach but I used to be sick all the time. It was horrible and now has made me anxious about getting/being sick, so I avoid people, germs, everything I can. But again it means I miss out on so much life. I was offered a job at a children’s preschool a few years ago and I turned it down because I’m too anxious about being sick. Ever since I regretted it.

That’s one bit of detectives work that I know is behind my anxiety. Thanks for that tip, I never thought about past things affecting me in the present but there’s probably a lot from my past that’s causing trouble now.

I don’t know what your situation is like (I’m not nosing!) but mine is very reliant on my benefits as I can’t work ATM but the constant threat of benefits being cut is ever looming and that’s such a worry because without them I couldn’t survive. I worry about my parents as well, who are older now and not in the best of health and I want to live independently…..But I don’t know if I’ll cope without them. It’s all such a worry and constant stress. I tried university after school because I got good marks but I couldn’t cope with university either.
It feels like there is always so much stress and it’s hard to look past it all and not think about it.

I haven’t heard of Thich Nhat Hanh before but I’ll look him up and check out some of his videos. Do you know if his videos helps with sleeping? I struggle with that too….But I’ll check him out and I might look at other Buddhist teachings and books. I’ve looked in to mindfulness before but not really Buddhist teachings though I have heard of them because a lot of people use them in their day-to-day lives. I will give this a go and hopefully, as you have find it will help me as well. I have everything to gain, nothing to lose by trying. I just need better quality of life, less stress and better quality.

You are so right anxiety is sooo overwhelming-it can be crippling, very debilitating and some of the side effects it causes the body to go through are horrible. Everyone I know doesn’t understand autism or anxiety they think I am just lazy, which is really horrible because I try so hard not to be anxious and to be “normal”.

But I will give all you have suggested a try and do some more “investigating” to try and find root causes of my anxiety.

Thank you so much for your help with this Kate ^^ X

I’m glad these things helped you too. I’ve realised too that the term buddhist ‘Practice’ is very important - it’s something you need to maintain rather than something you do and then that’s it. I’ve noticed that the change I notice in myself is gradual and takes time - but it’s very sustainable and consistently helpful. These ‘methods’ have lasted for centuries for a reason: they work! Personally I find sitting meditation very difficult - I prefer walking meditation, or focusing on sound. It’s just a matter of finding what works for you. I find now that when I start worrying about some future problem I’m getting better at stopping myself and bringing my focus back to the present moment. Another great thing about Eckhart Tolle and Thich Nhat Hanh is that so much of their work is free on YouTube etc - you don’t have to pay for it - which is wonderful. 

Your experience is interesting and although I haven’t read the entire Eckhart Tolle book, I am familiar with his work. I think that we can gain a lot from the spiritual teachings of different religions. Christian spirituality has drawn on religions such as Buddhism, Sufi mysticism and  Zen in order to bring wholeness of body, mind and spirit. I agree that you don’t have to be a person of religion to gain benefit from some spiritual practices. Like you, I used to take Citalopram, and I have also been taking Pregabalin for some years now, although I am considering talking to the GP about trying to reduce and stop it. 

When I was recovering from cancer treatment, the Cancer Centre in Belfast ran meditation sessions for cancer patients, run by a Buddhist nun. She stressed that she wasn’t proselytising,  I found the sessions invaluable - they reduced my anxiety. It is brilliant that the NHS promotes the practice.

I agree that mindfulness can change how we perceive the world. I know that CBT, meditation and mindfulness, also finding a book that resonates, was key to reducing my depression and anxiety. 

I agree I find running and walking helpful from my side. Also the point around mindfulness though I do tend to forget this one personally such as breathing etc 

Camomile tea might help take the edge off your nerves, it's a natural calmative and you can buy it cheaply in supermarkets.

Maybe the type of therapy you've had previously hasn't bee the right one for you? Lot's of ASC people find CBT unhelpful. Social presribing might be a good route to go down, getting out in the fresh air is always good and you'd be with people who have similar problems to you, they may even have coping stratagies you've never thought of.

For most of my life I’ve had difficulties with Anxiety. Like you I went to my GP for help because I felt quite desperate - he prescribed Cipralex (Citalopram) for me and it made me feel much much worse - so I stopped taking it. Since then I’ve tried all sorts of things, and read a lot about the subject. A turning point came for me when I read ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle. I realised that my anxiety was caused by the way I looked at the world, and at situations - more than by the situations themselves. The way we think is often as a result of our upbringing and the society we grow up in (and also by our Neurodiversity too of course). What I learned was that we can change our own habitual thinking patterns - we can gradually encourage different, more positive reactions to our own day to day experience. It takes time - but it really can help. 
The most obvious example is Mindfulness - which helps us not to dwell in the past and to not look ahead too much and worry about things that might never happen etc. 

I think the key is to gain understanding and insight into what lies behind your anxious thoughts. For example - I was spent quite a lot of time in hospital as a child - and I have struggled with health anxiety. Also I had a narcissistic mother and emotionally/verbally abusive father - and that led to me feeling insecure and unsafe. You need to be a bit of a detective really! There’s also the collective aspect - ie how does the society you live in impact on your mental health? Eg the govt rhetoric about disability benefits can make a lot of autistic people feel very threatened and scared. Insecure housing, expensive rents, the diet of depressing news etc - these are nothing to do with you personally but they can add to background anxiety and contribute to you feeling anxious on a subtle level. 

The very most impactful thing that has reduced my anxiety the most is reading/listening to the teachings of a Buddhist monk called Thich Nhat Hanh - he’s sometimes called ‘the father of mindfulness’. You don’t have to be a Buddhist or religious at all to benefit from his teachings. It’s very much like CBT in some ways and doesn’t require you to have any spiritual or religious beliefs. There is a YouTube channel called ‘Plum Village’ where they put most of the talks and teachings. They do retreats too. It’s not a cult by the way! No need to worry as they ask nothing from you whatsoever- they just want people to live happier and more peaceful lives. 

I know from experience that anxiety can be so overwhelming- at times in the past I felt I could not go on. When you’ve struggled with anxiety for many years it’s hard to change the habits that your mind has got into of constant worrying. But I think it’s definitely possible to significantly reduce anxiety if you’re prepared to give yourself the time and effort needed to gradually change how you think about things. 
Here’s an example - 2 people could have exactly the same experience - but could come away with completely different responses: one having massively enjoyed themselves, the other feeling dejected and miserable. There is a Buddhist saying: ‘it is our mind that creates this world’ - and with Mindfulness techniques we can definitely subtly change how we perceive the world around us (and ourselves). It’s doable. I still get anxious (very often!) but I am much better at managing it now and have ‘tools’ to calm my anxiety when it arises. It can be done! No tablets needed! 
I wish you luck - I know it’s hard but there is hope - trust me! With understanding of what lies behind your anxious thoughts you can begin to reduce the impact they have on you. Good luck :) 

Caffeine free diet coke?   

There's always options.  

Group wise, maybe something outdoors now the weather is getting better.  Makes it less claustrophobic and possibly less anxiety-inducing if you've more space too.  

I mean - I used to hate gardening, as an example, but I forced myself to try - and now I don't hate it as much   I wont say I enjoy it but I see the benefits of doing something that looks nicer when I've completed, and I get fresh air/exercise.   You also see creatures/birds/wildlife as you are doing it....     

And you don't have to be any good at it, nobody's judging...     Just an example.  

Caffeine free diet coke?   

There's always options.  

Group wise, maybe something outdoors now the weather is getting better.  Makes it less claustrophobic and possibly less anxiety-inducing if you've more space too.  

I mean - I used to hate gardening, as an example, but I forced myself to try - and now I don't hate it as much   I wont say I enjoy it but I see the benefits of doing something that looks nicer when I've completed, and I get fresh air/exercise.   You also see creatures/birds/wildlife as you are doing it....     

And you don't have to be any good at it, nobody's judging...     Just an example.  

Legylo said:

My dad said he would for me to help him in the garden so looks like I'll be out there today...

That sounds good.  I hope it isn't too MUDDY for you 

I think I said before, you can also speak to your GP about social prescribing - perhaps not all the groups are listed at the village hall?  

Let us know how you get on.  As I say, I understand the motivation problem (been there) and I appreciate the sense of humour 

My dad said he would for me to help him in the garden so looks like I'll be out there today...I'm going to do some weeding and general tidying up.

Motivation is weird. Some days I have a little motivation and other days there's nothing, on those days I don't like to leave my bed I have to force myself to get up and actually do things. I have to go out today so I will have a look in the village hall.....see if there are any groups I might have an interest in. Something my come from that.

Thank you, I appreciate all the help you have given me.....I'll pay any medical bills, if you fall off your seat helping me XD

Legylo said:

It looks bad to me….. XD but I’ll try to start calling it mud

Perhaps start with some weeding.  Or pruning.  Leave the actual mud-work for a bit.  You can get gloves anywhere (I am sure your Dad will have a spare pair or can get you some)

I do KNOW about the motivational thing.  BUT I promise you that if you do start doing things like this, and have tiny little bits of enjoyment, that will to actually do it yourself will come. Slowly.  May not be gardening, but with something else.  

I may fall of my seat while I am writing this reply to you but I am still doing it - because I want to, because I am trying to help & because it may make a difference    I do get it though.  

It looks bad to me….. XD but I’ll try to start calling it mud.

My dads out in the garden a lot so next time I might go out and help a bit. I don’t have any gloves, I have old trainers that still fit but aren’t looking good enough to go out in public in them….I have old jeans and a jumper I can wear too.

I’m not sure if it’s anxiety or depression…or autism….but I struggle so bad with motivation. Like I’ll have an idea, lets say to go for a walk and then I lose all the motivation and get loads of negative thoughts of why it’s a bad idea…..

I might fall, I might get sick, I might get too hot. It’s always thoughts like that and no matter how much I try to dismiss them I can’t get the motivation to do it again.

Legylo said:

How do you cope with the dirt?

Perhaps if you start calling it mud, not dirt.  Because dirt implies bad.  Mud is just something that washes off.

But yes, gardening gloves - good ones.  Old boots or trainers you don't use for anything else, in fact a whole outfit you don't use for anything else - because if it gets grubby - it doesn't matter. 

Put the whole lot in a bag when finished until next time.... 

The idea is to let go of those anxieties (including that one about 'dirt') just for a little while.  And while you're there you might interact with others, or nature, or enjoy the weather, or something else.  It isn't necessarily about the gardening at all.  

I've moved on to tea and water now :) though I will still have a diet coke maybe every now and then, as a treat....Won't go back to regular coca cola though I can't be trusted XD

Not sure what group I would like. I need to go to the village hall and see what's happening, if there are any gaming groups that would be good. Or Lego groups....that would be a fun one for me. I'll check what's about.

That's cool that you found a new healthy hobby in gardening. How do you cope with the dirt? I like the idea of gardening because of growing flowers....but the dirt would be a lot of stress for me. That said I guess I could get some gloves...

Where I live I've seen foxes, rabbits and even a pheasant in my garden. Saw this pheasant last weekend....

Thanks O & O.