Need help with anxiety

Learn a few breathing techniques, they really work. I reached out to this coach, and she helped me a lot to calm down and regain my focus.

Awesome !! I‘m glad you also have a bunch of strategies to help with your anxiety. I agree with how good outdoors time is. I need to make more of an effort to go on walks because I love it when I go on them. I went to a local park and saw so many squirrels it made me so happy. I love how you phrased how socialising helps you with getting you out of your own head because that’s why I try to aim for with all my anti anxiety strategies. The main thing I try to do is get myself out of my anxious echo chamber in my head. 

They’re so fun. I love word searches and crosswords at the moment :) 

No problem happy to help !! Puzzles are great they’re a new strategy forme that my therapist recently suggested. I think they help me so much because when I’m anxious I’m so restless and my brain goes into overdrive so it redirects all that negativity into problem solving. Bonus is that it’s a really fun distraction. 

I‘m sorry you had such a hard time with side effects  that sounds super tough. I hope you find therapy this time round more beneficial. I really feel for you there with the NHS waiting times I hope it’s not too long. 

Sorry! I only just got a notification for this.
Thanks so much for your very helpful tips. These are really good ideas and I will give them a try.....I love the puzzles idea...I used to do puzzles when I was little, with my mum...reading that brought back some happy childhood memories for me.

I've thought about asking my doctor for more help, I worry about the side effects...they were so bad last time, it was awful....I am waiting for therapy but how long it will be I really don't know. The NHS waiting times are crazy long rn.

The puzzle thing is a good idea will take a look at that one thanks

Hi Wib - just want to comment that I find some of these things helpful too. I find getting outside is really good for me - especially on a lovely sunny day when the brightness and birdsong do me so much good and just settle me somehow. But also a really crisp cold day gives a sort of shock to my system and that can be good too. I also find that any activity that requires my focus (often someth8ng mundane like tidying up or whatever) is really good as it gives me another focus other than just focusing on what I’m anxious about. And also speaking to people - yes - it’s surprisingly effective even if it’s just chatting to someone at the bus stop or something. It gets us ‘out of our own heads’ - opens up our perspective and makes us focus on others rather than on what going on in our own heads. 

I‘m sorry you’re struggling with your anxiety so much. I can really relate to this. Here are some strategies that help me hopefully you can try some :) 

•I‘m on medication, I know you advised this hasn’t worked for you but maybe you could ask your doctor if there’s other ones you could try.

•Therapy has really helped me. I‘ve had similar issues to you where I‘ve had many unsuccessful therapy sessions. However, like with medication it could be worth asking your doctor again and trying different types of therapy. It took me years honestly to find a therapist that works well with how my brain is.

•Exercise really helps me. For me this looks like going to the gym or for walks around my local park. If you‘re too anxious to leave the house you could look up home exercises like yoga and YouTube is filled with fitness videos you can follow at home.

•I find puzzles really helpful. This is a new strategy I have tried and it’s been great. I find it helps to redirect my anxious thoughts as I’m having to focus on the puzzle. I have a word search book at home and a crossword app for when I’m on the go.

•Writing my feelings in a notebook helps me. For me it helps to write out what I’m thinking as it’s like I’m removing the anxious thoughts from the head and can examine them and rationalise them when they’re on paper.

• Speaking to people can help. I find this is useful for making sure I’m not stuck in an echo chamber of my own anxiety. I tend to speak to my partner but I sometimes utilise this forum for that.

This is a really good explanation of how to do mindful breathing :)  I just want agree with what you say about the fact that these sorts of things take time to work - so for anyone trying Mindfulness techniques I’d say don’t get disheartened if they don’t help you quickly - try to be patient and give it time to slowly slowly make a difference. The change comes very gradually but it does last - so it’s worth persevering :) 

I hate anxiety with a passion. It is much more debilitating than a lot of people think…..Some of the people I know have an ‘get over it’ attitude towards it, which isn’t really the case. If it were it would be easy….but in my experience anxiety has never been easy to cope with. Some days it isn’t too bad, other days it’s so debilitating I can hardly function…..Combined with autism it’s even worse! But things are looking brighter now. You and other kind members have given me a lot of advice on how I can best tackle this. One member called Kate suggested Buddhist teachings, I watched one video yesterday and I believe this could be good for me…..Medication isn’t a route I’ll ever go down again, the side effects were too grave and on a whole they made me feel worse mentally and physically than I had felt before taking them.

Thanks for the book recommendation. I don't own this book and reading up on it the reviews check out that it's a helpful book, definitely can't hurt to give it a try.........my anxiety isn't in a great place so this can only help :P

Nice you have many comfort things....I had a comfort blanket when I was a lot younger....took it everywhere, even to school once or twice (teachers didn't approve) and for years that little blanket was like a life jacket for me. It got too old and worn in the end...it was tattered and falling apart, eventually I had to throw it away but for years it was always with me.

So sorry you're feeling this way. Anxiety to term a word, sucks! But it's something many of us live with on a daily basis, only a small comfort but at least you aren't in it alone. There''s different things you can try to help with your anxiety, meds clearly don't work for you (me neither), but there are distraction techniques you can try, exercise as well - running or walking for 5-10 mins is meant to be great.

I'd also like to recommend this book by Edmund J. Bourne, it's called The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook.

https://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Phobia-Workbook-Edmund-Bourne/dp/1684034833?&linkCode=sl1&tag=toyoplan-20&linkId=51c9f1d486f48631f7303a80bea9af40&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl

It's like a box of tricks, tips and secrets on anxiety and phobias, and is full of strategies and exercises you can use to help your anxiety, and any phobias you may have. I bought it myself (still own it) and I've found this to be one of the best books on anxiety. It really helped me.

I have comfort items as well - bracelets, bears, a blanket, there really is no reason to be ashamed for having a comfort item. So long as it helps you, that's all that matters

There are different methods of breathing exercises, but so far, the method that is simplest and works best for me is my version of what I remember from the ‘Headspace’ App. I am currently not a subscriber.

• I find a time when I won’t be interrupted and I sit on an upright chair, alert but relaxed.
• I notice the space around me and take a deep breath in and let it out slowly, repeating three or four times.
• On the third or fourth breath out, I gently shut my eyes and begin to breath normally, without trying to change the breath in any way.
• I slowly scan my body from the top of my head to my toes, noticing any areas that may feel tense, sore or uncomfortable. I notice these areas, and let them go as I work down my body.
• I name my intention for the exercise, eg, I want to be calm or I want to feel less anxious.
• I bring my attention to observing my breath with my mind’s eye. That means I keep my eyes gently closed, but as I feel my abdomen rising and falling with each breath, I notice it, and it feels as if I am watching it even though my eyes are closed.
• I keep my mind’s eye focused on my abdomen, I don’t change the timing of each breath or deliberately take deeper or shallower breaths, the key is just to notice it. Some people find it helpful to count each breath up to 10, and then start over at 1.
• My mind usually wanders onto other things like tasks that need done or a conversations with the plumber. When I notice that I’m not observing my breath, I don’t need to be concerned, I gently bring my attention back to the breath.
• After 10 minutes or 15 minutes or longer, I bring my attention back to my body and my awareness of the space around me.
• When I feel ready, I open my eyes. 

It is definitely something that gets easier with practice but it took me several weeks before I noticed a real difference. If this is of interest, you might like the ‘Headspace’ App, which I mentioned in my previous post.

Good luck!

I’m so glad that you are going to look into these things Legylo - because I feel 100% sure they can’t do any harm - and in my experience you’re very likely to get at least a few helpful things from them - and possibly a lot :)     I can really relate to what you say about how struggling with anxiety can mean we miss out on lots of really good experiences and opportunities. It can also impede our judgement. The impact of it is so wide ranging, and like you I found that the doctor didn’t have anything for me that actually helped (in fact being on Cipralex was one of the worst experiences of my life). I think Thich Nhat Hanh talks are very soothing - I often put one on when I go to sleep and his voice is so calm that I usually fall asleep listening to it! I have a subscription to Audible and they have a lot of talks on there too - many of which are free (well - included in the membership fee). 
Even though I still get anxious sometimes I find that it doesn’t last so long now too - it’s as if I’ve got a better ‘recovery time’ after I have raised anxiety for any reason. 
I’m sorry that you had bad experiences as a child too. In Buddhism they talk about getting “caught” in the past, and how to free yourself from that. In fact they talk a lot about freedom in general - because when we are being overwhelmed by negative feelings we are not truly free. We need to free ourselves from the past and live in the here and now.

i understand your worries about money and benefits - for a long while I felt physically ill with worrying about all of that. My situation is a little better now - but the memories of that mean I totally understand what you mean about how stressful that can be. My heart still skips a beat when I see a brown envelope has come through the letterbox - and often I leave them for my husband to open because I can’t face them! Bad memories leave scars certainly - but life will always have some stresses because that’s almost inevitable. There are no easy answers to the stresses of dealing with the benefits system - I think it’s designed to be intimidating and to scare us. However : whatever problems we are facing it’s important to just take things day by day and not look ahead to what MIGHT happen. Because often the things we worry ourselves sick about never actually DO happen - and worrying now won’t stop them happening anyway - so achieves nothing. 

Anyway - I hope the things we’ve talked about are helpful to you - it might take some time but I’ve found them truly life changing. The change is gradual, but I’m definitely a happier person for learning these things. Good luck ! 

Legylo said:

My dad said he would for me to help him in the garden so looks like I'll be out there today...

That sounds good.  I hope it isn't too MUDDY for you 

I think I said before, you can also speak to your GP about social prescribing - perhaps not all the groups are listed at the village hall?  

Let us know how you get on.  As I say, I understand the motivation problem (been there) and I appreciate the sense of humour 

My dad said he would for me to help him in the garden so looks like I'll be out there today...I'm going to do some weeding and general tidying up.

Motivation is weird. Some days I have a little motivation and other days there's nothing, on those days I don't like to leave my bed I have to force myself to get up and actually do things. I have to go out today so I will have a look in the village hall.....see if there are any groups I might have an interest in. Something my come from that.

Thank you, I appreciate all the help you have given me.....I'll pay any medical bills, if you fall off your seat helping me XD

Legylo said:

It looks bad to me….. XD but I’ll try to start calling it mud

Perhaps start with some weeding.  Or pruning.  Leave the actual mud-work for a bit.  You can get gloves anywhere (I am sure your Dad will have a spare pair or can get you some)

I do KNOW about the motivational thing.  BUT I promise you that if you do start doing things like this, and have tiny little bits of enjoyment, that will to actually do it yourself will come. Slowly.  May not be gardening, but with something else.  

I may fall of my seat while I am writing this reply to you but I am still doing it - because I want to, because I am trying to help & because it may make a difference    I do get it though.  

It looks bad to me….. XD but I’ll try to start calling it mud.

My dads out in the garden a lot so next time I might go out and help a bit. I don’t have any gloves, I have old trainers that still fit but aren’t looking good enough to go out in public in them….I have old jeans and a jumper I can wear too.

I’m not sure if it’s anxiety or depression…or autism….but I struggle so bad with motivation. Like I’ll have an idea, lets say to go for a walk and then I lose all the motivation and get loads of negative thoughts of why it’s a bad idea…..

I might fall, I might get sick, I might get too hot. It’s always thoughts like that and no matter how much I try to dismiss them I can’t get the motivation to do it again.

Legylo said:

How do you cope with the dirt?

Perhaps if you start calling it mud, not dirt.  Because dirt implies bad.  Mud is just something that washes off.

But yes, gardening gloves - good ones.  Old boots or trainers you don't use for anything else, in fact a whole outfit you don't use for anything else - because if it gets grubby - it doesn't matter. 

Put the whole lot in a bag when finished until next time.... 

The idea is to let go of those anxieties (including that one about 'dirt') just for a little while.  And while you're there you might interact with others, or nature, or enjoy the weather, or something else.  It isn't necessarily about the gardening at all.  

I've moved on to tea and water now :) though I will still have a diet coke maybe every now and then, as a treat....Won't go back to regular coca cola though I can't be trusted XD

Not sure what group I would like. I need to go to the village hall and see what's happening, if there are any gaming groups that would be good. Or Lego groups....that would be a fun one for me. I'll check what's about.

That's cool that you found a new healthy hobby in gardening. How do you cope with the dirt? I like the idea of gardening because of growing flowers....but the dirt would be a lot of stress for me. That said I guess I could get some gloves...

Where I live I've seen foxes, rabbits and even a pheasant in my garden. Saw this pheasant last weekend....

Thanks O & O.

Thank you ArchaeC xx my comfort bear brings me a lot of comfort and I take it with me every time I go out, just carrying it makes a huge difference so I try to never forget it when I go out.

I’m so sorry you struggle with anxiety as well. I know what you mean about the waves, sometimes it hits with huge waves and it feels like you’re pulled under but no reason at the time seems apparent. I’m glad you have your bear and your stone bracelet, both must be a lovely comfort to have on and near you.
I used to have a bracelet that I played with. I played with it too much though and it broke lol I haven’t bought one since then.

I’m glad your medication helps relieve anxiety for you. Sadly for me it never worked, but I’m glad it has for you. How do you find observing your breathing? I’ve tried this in the past but I suck at it lol I can’t breathe properly when I focus on it and hyperventilate. Glad that’s worked for you as well….maybe I need to give it another go. So glad your experiences with CBT have been good ones. I’m so hopeful that mine will be as well, everything I read on it sounds positive, and my doctor is almost certain I will respond to it so keeping my fingers crossed for that. I love that there are more autistic trained professionals now, the doctor I see at my GP surgery is autistic and talking to her I know she really gets it. It’s really comforting.

I’ve been looking at mindfulness apps, I haven’t chosen one but I have seen there’s lots to choose from so it might be worth getting one, giving it a try and seeing what happens. It might make a huge positive difference so I might do that today. Will beat sitting there feeling anxious all day.

Thank you….Yes the tips were very helpful. Everyone’s advice here has been such a big help to me too. I feel a lot more positive this morning, way more positive than I’ve been for a long time…So thank you all so much for that. X