Published on 12, July, 2020
I think that's me just about done.
Goodbye.
Shame if you leave. This forum is very valuable resource in terms of support. There is very little support available to late diagnosed adults.
What has made you say you are done?
Yeah, I know. Regrettably though, I meant it as a last comment before ending my life. Nothing new, mind you and, alas, I'm still here. Unfortunately. Sometimes that lame cry for help, I hope, can just spur me on and make that executive functioning kick in so that I can somehow actually get it done. No emotion, no second thoughts even. Just an absence of willpower.
Naturally I can't write any details about methods here as it will be deleted. But I've analysed them, in true autistic fashion, and still find that there is always a slight possibility that I might somehow get lucky and manage to be successful. No more need to breathe, eat etc. I can talk about methods etc at my AMC group, which is good to share, and I'll miss meeting up with these lads every Monday evening once I'm gone. But I know I'm still here and I'll stay lingering on like a bad smell, like some fleshed-out ghost of a thing.
38+ years. Hardly anything really but then I've been wanting to take my life for most of my life (since about 16) so, when you put that into perspective, it's about time that I finally made that move to put my perfectly healthy bodily functions at peace once and for all.
Yep, thanks in advance to the mods with your signposting to a b and c etc. Just got back from my GP reception to find out what an 'urgent referral' back to the mental health team refers to exactly when I've been waiting a week since they called me back last Friday and nothing has been passed on since. Mental Health Number is often a half hour wait and Samaritans is a mixed bag, depending on who's on duty. I'll have a look at the inevitable links to see if there's anything new. Probably is. Forgive the resignation in my tone but I've been here too many times. It's not that I'm especially low even. Right now, as of writing, I'm just frustrated that I've got no willpower to get that final act done and get that final curtain drawn.
I'll stop writing now. Do some 'journalling' or something. Write a poem or story. Think of a smiling child. Anything it takes to keep going I guess.
A
Dear ACF85
Thank you for posting and telling the community what you are going through. We understand from your post that you are currently going through a difficult time. It is good that you’ve let us know how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.
If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support
The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. We advise you to contact 999 or any of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page if you are at risk of immediate harm: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help
If you are not at immediate risk of harm, we would encourage you to speak to your GP or another health professional about this if you haven’t done so already. If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service: https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/
You may also find the following NAS resources useful:
Help for anyone struggling to cope
We hope this is helpful to you.
Kind regards
Liz Mod