I hate pretty people so much

Yeah, I'd say I did that. 

You may have had good intentions there, but from that lady's perspective you brought up a physical feature in (presumably - apologies if I've misunderstood) a context in which the kind of safe-space intimacy that might allow for such comments had not been put in place some time prior - eg. a romantic relationship or very close friendship in which mutual observations of this kind were offered up with generosity and care. I'm not saying that you went full Gregg Wallace or anything but it's still a little (in your case inadvertently) objectifying. 

For my own part, I hope I didn't overstep the mark with my own final comment in yesterday's post. BNG, your chosen name seemed to be disclosing something publicly, and with a note of self-criticism (given the thread's nature), so I hope I didn't stray over a line with too much specificity -albeit in the spirit of reassurance- at the end of a more balanced reflection on the issues raised. I will of course apologise unreservedly should you feel that way. 

Hi BigNoseGirly0,

I know what you mean. What you're talking about is called Pretty Privilege.

I used to be considered ugly during childhood and after adolescence I started being considered conventionally attractive, so I have seen how people treat me more favourably because of pretty privilege. It's similar to white privilege, and so many other privileges.

I think it's important that those of us who benefit from these pivileges acknowledge them and call people out when we see them being unfair to others.

So I see why you would hate pretty people if they don't even acknowledge that they are being treated better.

All the best,

I knew a girl with a big nose once, and I noticed it in conversation, once, and she never spoke to me again.

I also had a friend who was sensititive about the size of his hooter, I could never understand either of them. 

Was better than having a clone face that looks like every other one I thought. I liked the grils face, I felt it had character and she seemed to have a sweet personalty. I neevr got to fidn out, all becuase Inoticed a nose...

Beauty is only skin deep and as much a curse as a blessing for some women I have noticed. 

If you can contrive not to attract the attention of builders from 100 yards in all direction, but also not to have the visage of a bulldog chewing a wasp, as a woman you have got appearance "nailed down" In my opinion, and that of many men I know, who are oevr 20 yro.

Never mix advertising with reality, all sorts of misconceptions can arise!

I wouldn’t say that I hate pretty people, but I hate the double standards and discrimination. Yes, treating worse someone who is perceived as less attractive is a discrimination. It’s also easy for those attractive people to give good advice sort of: you just need to take care of yourself! You just need to smile, be self confident etc. I got really angry when hearing such things from someone who probably has never experienced bad treatment because of look. Lookism is real in many societies, cultures, it’s the comparing to others, it’s the constant competition. But many people forget that the beautiful package is not the most important thing! I can’t say I’m pretty, I’m also not ugly. I was considered ugly because I had childish round cheeks for long time. At age of 18 I heard that I’m 13. Now I’m 36 and hear that I look much younger than my age. It took me long time to accept myself the way I am. I understood that the real beauty must be somewhere within me and plastic surgeries wouldn’t help me. As a teenager I was desperate to change my nose, eyes, brow lift etc. But I saw some videos of victims of unsuccessful surgeries. Plus I had no money for such procedures. Now I’m happy in my natural body. My colleague from high school once saw me in the town when I visited my parents and she asked me what I’m doing that I look so young. She was the one to give me lessons how I should take care of my look. I answered I just didn’t use solar studios. 
i feel for you and I wish that people open their eyes to see the true beauty within themselves and others. Not only fancy package 

I absolutely love your comment! So true! And the head stuck in the bees nest made me laugh! 

Beauty is subjective, it really is " in the eye of the beholder" , everyone would be beautiful in someone's opinion.

Popular opinions of beautiful are usually flawed, more recently beautiful apparently looks like it's stuck it's head in a bees nest. But, because one popular person gets fillers and Botox, then slap on 3 coats of cuprinol fence paint, everyone thinks it looks stupid but they all go and  copy it and say it's amazing.

I'm sorry to hear how much you're suffering with this sense of unfairness. I also agree it's true that there are (often unconscious) double standards out there that, for those of us (the neurodivergent) more inclined to see through the veil stand out like an affront to basic decency and fairness. 

However, we can sometimes spiral towards an extreme in how we perceive both ourselves and others, and getting stuck there can be very damaging. I'm a male, but I do understand some of your pain. I went through my teens, twenties, and thirties with complete certainty that I was the world's ugliest person. I think, with hindsight, that I was firmly into the realms of dysphoria as - while I'm certainly no oil painting (I'm sure in any hypothetical anon survey of 100 people shown my photo, 90 of them would put me firmly in the 'ugly' category)- I've come to gradually (and with the help of therapy, etc.) see that my appearance is not making people retch as I pass by as I was convinced for years was the case. I got so bad for a time that even crossing the door was traumatic - I didn't want to 'inflict' myself (my personality, awkwardness, and certainly my looks) on anyone, and it was only the need to get out and earn my living wage that compelled me to do more than scurry to the shops and back. 

There was, however, one saving grace during that time - the recognition that the handsome/beautiful/normal looking have their own crosses to bear. Tortured with unwanted attention for instance, badgered by confident NTs with pressure to spend time with them, deluged by smothering romantic overtures and so on. There is great freedom in not being in that situation. I also realised that they had no reliable way to trust who, in their multitudes of 'friends' genuinely liked them and who was just a moth to a beautiful/handsome flame, with an agenda that they fitted into. 

Whereas I knew (again, it was a little oversimplifying given my extreme 'I'm the worst' thinking I'd conditioned my self to) that if someone was kind to me, or gave me the time of day, even momentarily, then I'd encountered a truly good soul - as look at what they'd had to see past to give me that kindness. So I began to think of my 'extreme ugliness' as a blessing, something that meant that I had the perfect foolproof way, built in, to know kind and authentic people from manipulators and charlatans. How wrong I ultimately was (at least in one devastating case) - but that's another story! 

But that's all too simple isn't it? At the end of the day 'world's ugliest' thinking feeds the ego just as much as its opposite, it's a way to feel special when in fact I'm just a random plot point on a very imprecise graph that has some generalities if truth to it but only of the most reductive kind. 

In my forties,  I began to just accept that my body/face is 'just something I go about in' (to quote the Doctor, who's had a few faces of variable subjective handsomeness/prettiness so no wonder they reached a point of utter indifference about it as long as they were doing their best to be kind) - but it took a lot of work to get there, and I can feel myself slipping back sometimes. Astonishingly, in my early 40s, and for the first time in my life, someone told me - seemingly without joking - that they thought I was 'handsome'. That's a curiously hard thing to hear when it goes against a rock-solid certainty that had always kept me grounded in a sense of who I am. At first, I assumed they must be mad or in need of new glasses, or just trying to make me feel better cos they could see how floor-level my self-esteem was. And I now have (again, astonishingly) a wonderful and beautiful partner who geniunely thinks I look nice, and this time, I believe that (for them, at least) that's true. 

I suppose what I'm saying is that there's no entirely fixed reality. You have no idea how any given person perceives you. You might look plain to person A, invisible to person B, kind of cute to person C, inexplicably annoying to person D, and wonderful to person E, who saw/sees you through the eyes of love, or jealousy  or admiration, without you even knowing. Life is set up so that we have no idea what's going on in another's head (even though we *think* we can read their microexpressions, and fear inclines us to do so negatively). 

I'll stop waflling now, but maybe you might find the following video helpful. I chanced upon it yesterday, as I dip into this guy's stuff from time to time anyway. Even if it only helps a little with 'tilting the mirror' and assisting you in finding peace, it's worth a few moments of your time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqWNA_hqXSI

I wish you well. P.S. tiny noses (your user-name suggests some concern here) are overrated anyway :-) - vive le difference! Hope life starts feeling a little kinder in time, and hang in there...

It’s very rare to find a super-fit handsome hunk with a 6 pack who is also genuine and lovely, as most of the former (within the gay community) are arrogant, entitled, have NPD, are ignorant, vain and incredibly rude (not in a good way) 

I hear you.

Being 'Social' can be counterproductive. People have cliques, and their own idiosyncrasies. Outsiders are viewed as vermin.

We try to be professional, but it gets thrown in our faces.

beauty is skin deep, and is only in the eye of the beholder, try not to hate people who you think look pretty, you do not know what hidden burdens and problems they may harbor, to judge harshly of others can only bring bitterness to yourself, try to look for the good in people, and stop thinking of yourself as 'ugley', it is like a lady friend of mine who i met on a dating site, she regards herself as 'damaged' when we met I told her to stop thinking like that, I encouraged her to stand up to her step daughters and she is know back with her husband.what i am saying is try to take the positives and try not to be bitter, the girl you are talking about may be a 'kitten' in the eyes of some, but if any one were to live with her that would ware of quickly if she is the way you say, and then the 'kitten' has claws that lash out and is not so cute

Hi there, sorry to hear how you're feeling. I understand what you're saying, but if people like pretty girls who are mean, just because they're pretty, they'll soon get dissatisfied with them when they get to know them properly.

As the old saying goes, beauty is only skin deep - I know you probably won't feel like believing this now, but it really is the person inside that counts. People who choose friends based on appearance are shallow and not worth knowing.

I hope you find some friends with less shallow outlooks on life, who will value you for who you are.