Published on 12, July, 2020
For about maybe seven months now, I've been using BetterHelp for private therapy. I can't say I've found there to be any progress, though I'm not sure I'm going in with the right expectations. My therapist tries to get me to reframe my thoughts. Use less negative language, try to imagine more positive outcomes to situations, that sort of thing. "What would it be like..." is her common language for this. To which my response is often along the lines of "Well that would be unrealistic because xyz". She also tends to point out my "yets" as hopeful, despite my assurance that it's just to avoid an absolute statement. I can't tell if I'm being too rigid and set in my ways, if her approach is ill effective for autism, or a bit of both.
For anyone that uses a therapist, how do you find your engagements with them?
I've seen quite a lot of therapist since childhood. It's been pretty mixed. I think my best experiences have been with RMNs and the worst with GP surgery counsellors.
One once seemed so focused on the importance of a trauma anniversary date it caused me quite a bad breakdown. I think I would've let the day just pass if she hadn't kept bringing it up and she wasn't offering me any skills or additional support, just asking how I felt about the day, making it much more significant than it should've been. But others have saved my life.
One of the main problems I find though is only so many sessions (sometimes as little as 8, that barely gives chance to get started. The longest I've seen the same person in adulthood was 18 months with a few follow-ups afterwards) are offered with the NHS, then you're just left on your own until the next referral comes through.
I did briefly try better help, but gave up after 3 sessions, I should've asked to change therapists as that was an option but I just didn't.
I've never found CBT helpful, just invalidating. DBT has been very helpful for me. I've completed it before, but many years ago as an inpatient, I probably wasn't in the right place to fully embrace it back then. I'm currently in outpatient DBT and it is a revelation (hardworking though, so much homework!). Maybe it also helps that the RMN I have my in person 1 to 1s with is the one who spotted and facilitated my ASD diagnosis and is able to modify the therapy for me, so I'm pretty lucky there. You only get about 15 months though, so hopefully I'll be 'cured' within the next 6 months
I do find it very hit and miss, but generally having someone I can talk to without judgement is very helpful. It helps put things into perspective for me and helps me figure out what I'm feeling (alexithymia). Sometimes I find they can say something seemingly small and simple that just makes me stop and go 'oh, why didn't I think of that'.
But it is hard work, and as I am constantly reminded, they are just there to guide me, it's up to me to implement the changes and find my own eureka moments, they are not going to hand me all the answers.
For me being in therapy makes me feel safer, like I have a safety net, someone to hold me up when things get too bad, who I won't have the added guilt of putting my emotions/thoughts/behaviour on. But it has to be a good one, a good fit to work. You need to be able to trust them, that they won't judge and that they will catch you if you fall.