How do you find talking to therapists?

Thank you and likewise! 
Being more self aware is a good thing I find yet not always easy.

As I've been told that I should not discount my achievements, no matter how small. I have achieved the mundane and ordinary in spite of myself and my condition. 

I'm not even remotely religious or an alcoholic but the serenity prayer is something I keep in mind.

God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

Doesn't often help but it's in there. 

I found being more self aware has it's own challenges but at least I can see them for what they are.

Good luck with your journey.

That’s good and sounds like you got some where with it.

I hope you can stress under control.Easier said than done.As you say one step at a time.
You have come a long way so keep reminding yourself of that ! 

It is supposed to be a maximum of 8 weeks (officially) on the NHS but it can be up to 10 on the hush. I actually ended it as it really was becoming a "social chat and discussion" by the end of week 7 without a huge amount of self discovery and I felt I was possibly taking up someones' placement. So it was really 8 weeks with the last session being an overview etc.

I've been told that can go back but I think I've covered that aspect. My main issue currently is stress which I still really can't get a handle on. One step at a time, I suppose. 

Also that’s pretty amazing having 9 weeks!! 

Herge 

That’s great news and that you were able to make sense of things.A huge relief for you.That’s nice to hear 

I have exactly the same problem with reading and for some reason I did manage to finish it.I think you will find it uplifting as Steph Jones does highlight the fact that some therapy makes things worse and in particular CBT.I was quite overjoyed to hear that as that explained I think why my first therapist was such a horrible experience.I was undiagnosed at the time but even so.She describes how she plucked up the courage to finally give her therapist the boot ! 
I will try and keep you posted with my new one.I am hoping to make progress as it’s almost something that’s eating away at me quietly.

The whole search for a therapist is pretty much a nightmare.Its like lifting the bonnet of a car …where to start and what is what ! 

I had a 9 week session on the NHS and I found it reasonably enlightening. I like many others don't seem to get any relief from either medication or CBT so I was sent along to speak to a therapist.

Initially I was there to explore the reasons behind my depression and anxiety which turned out to be the elephant in the room, autism. At this point in time the fact that I was autistic was merely a suggestion and I had only recently been put on the assessment weighting list, which turned out to be very, very long.

Once we were on this line of investigation I really began to explore what it meant to me and how it had impacted my life. Obviously there were stumbling blocks as I couldn't or maybe wouldn't comprehend my crippling social issues and that I mask constantly. We got there in the end with some tough questioning and with me being totally honest and open, which in truth is really difficult but completely necessary. I told her things that I thought were just matter of fact life stuff that she thought was massively important to how I felt and developed as a person. Who knew knew life experiences impacted who you view yourself.

So I had  really positive experience and I would do it again if need be. I suppose it depends on who you get and what brand of therapy they prefer to practice. From what I was told that the therapist is supposed to use a certain technique which may or may not be helpful , mine liked to colour outside the lines which I thought was helpful as I often struggle with l thought and I'm fond of wandering off on a tangent.

I hope that all this makes sense.

Some people are better than others that’s true.It sounds like a good plan to get back to the counsellor you quite like.I hope that that works out for you as seeing therapists / counsellors whereby it doesn’t seem to be working only makes things worse I have found plus frustrating plus time is ticking by.

I will keep my fingers crossed for you! 

I actually bought this book not too long ago but only read one chapter before being distracted by something else (story of my life!).  Thanks for reminding me about it - I should go back and read it.

You make a really important point though - the wrong kind of therapy isn’t just unhelpful, it can actively harm us. But even now so many therapists still have no knowledge of neurodivergence.

Iains right a therapist isn't there to offer advice and tell you what to do, lots of people don't understand this and feel that therapy is failing, as a therapist you say things like 'I'm sorry that happened to you', it's a way of acknowleging that you've heard what the client has said and understood it. Basically a therapist is there to walk beside you through the tangled thickets of your mind and ask, 'is that wood or is that a tree?', it's always your choice about whether its wood or a tree and I think a lot of people want someone to tell them whats wood and whats a tree, but thats when perfectly good tree's get cut down and added to the wood pile.

Yes, the coach I’ve been seeing for the last 2 or 3 months is AuDHD and bills herself as being a coach for neurodivergent people. I suppose the problem is, like any job, some people are better than others.

When I was researching coaches a few months ago I also interviewed a neurodivergent counsellor who I quite liked. I think I will get back in touch with her.

I have just put your therapists response through chat Gpt and it recommends saying 

“I appreciate you understand but I am looking for more specific guidance or strategies to help me with what I am dealing with.Can we explore some concrete steps or tools I can use ?” 

Chat Gpt says that this expresses your gratitude whilst making your needs clear encouraging a more productive conversation.

I hear your frustration! 
They do need to put some meat on those bare bones of “ I understand “ 

My last therapist of the 3 offered somatic therapy which I found helpful describing what I felt in my body and where and also using paper and coloured pens to reproduce the shape etc on paper.I did find that helpful.My last session with him he was describing the poly vagal theory and provided me with a handout in his handwriting and explained that I could keep it.In the next session I asked if it would be ok to share it with an online community I am a member of.I had assumed that the handout was his work.He then told me that he had copied it from a book and was concerned about copyright.My point was he hadn’t been transparent and if he had explained that the handout he was giving me he had copied from a book it would have been no problem.

The book was by Deb Dana .

Is your therapist coach themselves neurodivergent? 

Your experience with person centered therapists mirrors mine. I just had a session today. Almost every response from the therapist was either "I'm sorry x happened to you" or "I understand". Really don't know what that kind of response is supposed to do for me.

Also I recommend “ The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy “ by Steph Jones.As you might be aware CBT is not always a good thing for Autistic individuals.My first therapist was offering CBT and not being very knowledgeable and also being in quite a needy kind of state it just made me feel worse.At that point I was undiagnosed 

Hi A 

Have you thought about finding a therapist and or coach who specifically describes themselves as Autistic Neurodivergent or having ADHD if you haven’t already.
I have just started working with a neurodivergent therapist and this time I am combining therapy with coaching.My first session was last week and what a difference! As we were talking she reminded me that as neurodivergent individuals we feel things far more deeply and when she said that I felt that she really understood what I was trying to say and what I was feeling.

My previous 3 therapists always made me feel on edge( I was at that stage undiagnosed )and as you mentioned I felt that I wasn’t getting anywhere and at times feeling worse after a session.

I have only had one session yet I am feeling very positive about this new therapist and I am hoping that being on an equal level neurodivergent to neurodivergent will give me what I have been needing and looking for.

Hi Oran 

I have had 3 therapists.I recently came across the notion of finding a Neurodivergent Affirming Therapist.A therapist that describes themselves as being neurodivergent autistic or adhd.I would not have thought to do this although it seems pretty obvious.My previous therapists I found through the bacp.co.uk website although there are plenty of therapists out there who work with neurodivergent autistic adhd clients I did not come across any who specifically described themselves as neurodivergent autistic or having adhd themselves.

I googled neurodivergent therapists locally and I found 2 who described themselves as neurodivergent.I had my first session with my new therapist last week and straightaway I felt at ease especially when we were talking she reminded me that as neurodivergent individuals we feel things far more deeply.Also this time I am combining both coaching and therapy together.What a difference! I am saying this after my first session! 

I can also recommend “The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy “ by Steph Jones.

Reading her book there were lots of key lightbulb moments.
I was diagnosed in October this year and had been researching a fair amount beforehand.

With my previous therapists I always felt on edge at that stage I had not had a diagnosis.I always ended up feeling less than after most of my sessions with them.
Good luck with your search and I have to say I am so glad that I found a therapist who makes me feel comfortable.

To be fair to the original therapist, she was a “CBT therapist” assigned by company’s health provider and didn’t claim to be anything else. This was before I knew I was autistic too.

The coach is AuDHD herself, but is just a bit underwhelming.

When I was researching coaches I also interviewed a neurodivergent counsellor who I thought seemed insightful. I think I will get in touch with her again in the new year and have one last shot at this.

A said:

The therapist really just had a checklist she was working through and displayed no obvious understanding of mental health issues (or basic empathy).

Sounds like it would be better to interview the therapist before engaging with them and try to get a good feel for their qualifications and - more importantly - experience of working with autists.

The fact your therapist was suggesting CBT would be a red flag for me - if they knew much about working with autists then they would know we do not typically have success with CBT due to the way we think.

A said:

This is why I thought a coach might be a better option for me.

Does the coach have a solid understanding of autism? Without this they are likely to bring different problems and you have the added disadvantage of being disempowered by being given guidance without the understanding behind them.

If it works for you then good luck.