Published on 12, July, 2020
For about maybe seven months now, I've been using BetterHelp for private therapy. I can't say I've found there to be any progress, though I'm not sure I'm going in with the right expectations. My therapist tries to get me to reframe my thoughts. Use less negative language, try to imagine more positive outcomes to situations, that sort of thing. "What would it be like..." is her common language for this. To which my response is often along the lines of "Well that would be unrealistic because xyz". She also tends to point out my "yets" as hopeful, despite my assurance that it's just to avoid an absolute statement. I can't tell if I'm being too rigid and set in my ways, if her approach is ill effective for autism, or a bit of both.
For anyone that uses a therapist, how do you find your engagements with them?
I don't talk to them, I'm sure I'd find it difficult and uncomfortable.
You say she asks you to imagine more positive outcomes, but if your experience is that most outcomes are negative, maybe you're going to feel like you're kidding yourself?
I don't know what sort of things she suggests to end the statement "What would it be like..." - it sounds to me as if she's suggesting you try a different way of thinking or of doing things? If so, you don't know if that will help until you do it, and for people who have poor mental health and low self esteem I think they may struggle to imagine that anything will make their life any different.
Feeling happy or contented relies on us leading a life that feels like we are achieving something and that we have support from people who care about us. If you're not happy with your life, in my opinion you have to change things in your life first, then the way you feel will change. For example, if your job is causing stress, think about another one you could do that you'd prefer. If you missed out on further education and think that would help you get a better job or raise your self esteem, look into courses and funding/student loans. If the people in your life are causing you to be miserable, think about whether you would be happier without them. If you don't have friends or feel lonely, look at what you can do to gain friends - joining groups that do activities you enjoy, for example.
It's only my opinion - I'm not a medical professional so please don't take it as advice - but I think that therapy is just a crutch to try to get people to carry on just doing the same thing, pretending that the way they think about it will make them happier. Maybe it does for some, but for me only practical changes have ever helped.
I hope things improve for you.
Not knowing if something will help until I try it, has been a pretty big issue for me. I feel like it negates our ability to evaluate a situation and make an educated guess at the outcome. Yeah, in the end it's just a guess, but if those guesses consistently show up as correct, then it's hard to give the situation reasonable doubt the next time.
I guess brass tacks is that making changes is the only thing we can do, so I agree with you there. I have negative biases I need to be able to put aside in order to explore those changes. And yeah your interpretation of therapy is a thought I've been lingering on. Ultimately if I'm not the one making differences, then the therapy is just spending money to vent.