Published on 12, July, 2020
I always thought, I don't have ADHD, I'm not hyperactive. End of story! But looking into it, last few years, I see so many traits, it's shocking! Task Paralysis, sleep disorder. Mood disorders. I find out ADHD is very complex and multifaceted. And highly correlated with autism.*** Cause the NHS is nightmare and well...ADD. So I feel very normal and energized.So I'm alert and awake a long time. I feel invincible. No fatigue. Crazy robustness. Like how I imagine a trained footballer feels after 90 minutes, muscle might ache, but boundless energy. Super fast thinking, talking also, sharper processing ***.More willpower also. More extroverted. So I think, is this what it feels to be normal. I feel like I cut 20 years of my age again... it's weird.But i'm still angry, why should I have to damage my cardiovascular system JUST TO get a SEMBLANCE of normality. ADD is a thing I'm stuck with, and might not ever be able to fix. Even with Amphetamines, legal or otherwise, low dose, high dose. It's such a debilitating thing. And much like autism, This society does NOT GIVE A DAMN what happens to people with this. You're just a write off. So this leads to a VERY BIG chip on my shoulder. And i already have enough of them already. You cant SURVIVE in this world without discipline. Focus, attention and all that. Something nature has denied me.
ADD means I am at a disadvantage. And the NHS system is beyond broken and fairly unresponsive. It's an infuriating situation. And just a complete and utter joke that i am expected to compete with NT's in this cutthroat capitalist system.
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A little over a half century ago I read a book, writen by a bloke by the name of Carl Jung, which introduced me to my subconcious, and how it worked. And I began to understand some things I did that were generally held to be BAD, theft, destruction, fighting coud be repackaged in more socially respecatble ways.
Theft became business, (then later, honest business!)
Destruction became Work! The amount of stuff I have been paid to destroy over my life is unreal... (Recently I did about £220m worth of destruction for HMG! The absolute pinnacle of my desire to destroy! And got paid for it, and treated nice.)
You really can take some of the bad things about the way some of us end up, and put them to profitable use, if you are inclined to.
I like breaking, dismantling, smashing, things on a primal level. And people need it to be done!! I rarely do it out of "badness" any more, (Although I did put a wireless doorbell out of my misery a few months back using that larger of my metalworking hammers) but teh "satisfaction" of doing minldelss or wilful destruction, pales into insignificance compared to the satisfaction of being paid to do it...
In between opportunities I keep my hand in by doing a far bit of "power gardening" where I will do anything I am asked to do in a garden providing there is at least one tool powered by petrol involved. I destroy huge swathes of nature sometimes making vast amounts of noise with my gear, to reveal peraps an overgrown lawn or an actual border etc, and almost by accident, it always looks vastly better after I've done my thing!
Society, it seems, needs its destroyers as well as constructors.
Also if you have not already, look up "Garret LoPorto" for a more upbeat take on ADD and what can be done wth it..
That's very western. Man conquers nature.
Yes, alot of things society deems 'BAD';drives, impulses, are lauded as GOOD in different contexts, and even over time, sanctified.
German Blokes, my favourite is Freddy. I'm familiar with Carl, but only superficially.