Published on 12, July, 2020
I went to the doctors today. Nothing serious just hand irritation. I have bad anxiety and a recent thing I do which I’ve also wondered might be a stim is scratching the top of my hands which unsurprisingly has led to soreness, irritation and taking layers of skin off. At the time it’s a comforting feeling, the aftermath is extremely uncomfortable. But despite this I can’t seem to stop. I only do it when I’m feeling anxious.
Waiting in the doctors was difficult. At one point I thought I would have a meltdown but somehow I remained controlled and focused on my breathing. My appointment was at 4:40 and I was still waiting at 5:15. I got really stressed, thinking they’d made a mistake and forgot I was coming. So I worked up the courage to ask the receptionist and she was really aggressive, told me I wasn’t being patient and no one else had complained. I tried explaining I wasn’t complaining, I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t a mistake. She said she’d call me when the doctor was ready for me.
That upset me. I find talking difficult and uncomfortable so most of the time I’m mute, another unfortunate part of my anxiety disorder. By the time I saw the doctor because the receptionist had shaken my confidence I could hardly speak, my jaw got really tight so I had to write everything down for the doctor, who luckily was a lot more understanding.
I wish people better understood autism. I explained my autism to the receptionist and she didn’t hide the fact she didn’t care. Result: I'm feeling drained and like I'm going to have a meltdown.
On a more positive note the doctor has arranged for me to see a counsellor at the surgery to help me with my anxiety as it’s become somewhat out of control in the last couple of years.
I thought I would say hello as well. My name’s Paige, I joined a few years ago but didn’t give it much of a try as my anxiety put me off.
Hi Paige, I find doctors/dentists waiting rooms incredibly difficult too - almost unbearable. If I can possibly avoid them I do - and I also find waiting really horrendous too. I think these difficulties are normal for autistic people - so you are far from alone!
The receptionist should not have been rude to you like that - I’m really sorry she had such a woeful lack of understanding towards you. You’d think they’d have training about being helpful to people with autism etc in situations like that.
It’s great that your Doctor is arranging some counselling for your anxiety - well done for getting that arranged as it’s not easy to achieve these days! You must have done a good job of communicating your needs to your doctor - even though that was difficult for you it’s wonderful that you were able to do that. My son has selective mutism so we are very familiar with the challenges of speaking in stressful situations like that,
I know it was a difficult day for you but well done for getting through it, and for getting the help you need - you should feel proud of yourself for facing your fears - it’s never easy and takes so much courage. Hope you have a more restful day tomorrow !
Hi Kate-thank you for your lovely reply. My dad had put in a complaint for me so hopefully the receptionist might be retrained now so that doesn't happen again to me or anybody else. I'm feeling a lot better today, and I don't need to go to the doctors or dentists (thankfully!) again for a while I hope!
I'm sorry to hear this is something you experience yourself. A bit like school I feel like waiting rooms in medical buildings are the worst places to be when you're autistic. They're normally busy, noisy, hot and the lighting is always way too bright. I can totally understand how that affects you as well and I imagine it's not very good for your son either. I'm hoping one day they'll make such places a lot more ASD-friendly. I'm not sure how but even keeping people updated on when they'll be seen would make a difference and cause a lot less stress.
I'm so sorry your son has selective mutism. This is something I deal with most days now so I know how debilitating it can be. I carry a pen and notebook round with me and use it to communicate, just in case I find myself unable to speak. It's saved me more times than I like to mention! :)
I'm going to have another restful day today and hopefully tomorrow I can go in to town and pick up some new books.
Thanks for your message Kate. Have a nice day.️