Published on 12, July, 2020
I went to the doctors today. Nothing serious just hand irritation. I have bad anxiety and a recent thing I do which I’ve also wondered might be a stim is scratching the top of my hands which unsurprisingly has led to soreness, irritation and taking layers of skin off. At the time it’s a comforting feeling, the aftermath is extremely uncomfortable. But despite this I can’t seem to stop. I only do it when I’m feeling anxious.
Waiting in the doctors was difficult. At one point I thought I would have a meltdown but somehow I remained controlled and focused on my breathing. My appointment was at 4:40 and I was still waiting at 5:15. I got really stressed, thinking they’d made a mistake and forgot I was coming. So I worked up the courage to ask the receptionist and she was really aggressive, told me I wasn’t being patient and no one else had complained. I tried explaining I wasn’t complaining, I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t a mistake. She said she’d call me when the doctor was ready for me.
That upset me. I find talking difficult and uncomfortable so most of the time I’m mute, another unfortunate part of my anxiety disorder. By the time I saw the doctor because the receptionist had shaken my confidence I could hardly speak, my jaw got really tight so I had to write everything down for the doctor, who luckily was a lot more understanding.
I wish people better understood autism. I explained my autism to the receptionist and she didn’t hide the fact she didn’t care. Result: I'm feeling drained and like I'm going to have a meltdown.
On a more positive note the doctor has arranged for me to see a counsellor at the surgery to help me with my anxiety as it’s become somewhat out of control in the last couple of years.
I thought I would say hello as well. My name’s Paige, I joined a few years ago but didn’t give it much of a try as my anxiety put me off.
Bless you Paige,
That receptionist needs a talking to about customer service!! I'd have gotten someone to complain on your behalf so it doesn't happen to other people. I've complained when needed to with situations like that so the staff get more training as that's unacceptable and especially when it has such a profound affect on you and others I would imagine.
It's great that you got a good doctor who's taken you seriously unlike the receptionist. I understand the satisfying feeling of scratching but as you'll know, it gets into a cycle where skin becomes raw and painful. I scratch because of allergies but am much better now I've cut out various foods. I find pressing my fingers onto something rough like velcro or scratching it gives a similar satisfaction. I guess it's about playing with different stims or forgotten ones to see what works. A friend of mine has a piece of ribbon she likes to rub inside her pocket to keep calm. I also have a smooth stone but tend to like my car key better.
I hope you manage to decompress now you're at home and I hope someone can put a complaint in about that receptionist so she doesn't get away with it again.
Take care.
Hi Tree spirit, thank you for your reply. I was on my own at the appointment as both my step mum and my dad were working at the time but my dad isn't happy about the receptionist and he's going to go in and talk to the practice manager. I'm worried about causing upset but like you say it isn't professional and it isn't fair if she upsets anyone else.
Scratching is a vicious cycle. I'm trying to break this and nail biting, something else I've annoyingly started doing as a result of the anxiety. I'm sorry to hear your allergies cause you to scratch your skin. Allergies can make you feel really rough, I hope they aren't causing you too much distress. I suffer with my allergies in the spring but for the rest of the year I'm unaffected. I'm glad your new diet changes have helped you and you've found other ways of coping with anxiety. Ordinarily I'll take something I can chew, chewlery works really well for me but like a complete fool I forgot my chewlery today! Need to try and remember it for next time to avoid any unnecessary stress.
Thank you. I'm watching Buffy at the moment, feeling a lot more relaxed now and I'm doing some writing and ebay shopping.
I hope you're having a lovely evening.
Aww sounds really nice. I hope you'll be ok when she's away, come on here, you won't get lonely with everyone here to talk to. ️ I've found this community a really fun and sociable place.
I honestly couldn’t survive without my chewlery. It helps ease my anxiety and it's good for my stimming as well. My dad put in the complaint for me this morning, keeping my fingers crossed it will have a positive outcome.
Thanks for your kind reply. I'm having nice days with my daughter before she goes away for two weeks holiday with her Daddy then scout camp. I'll find that tough but I always get through it. :-)
It's great you have found chewy jewellery helps. I hope the complaint got put in and you're recovering from your ordeal.