Autistic Burnout

I live in a quiet area and it was always quiet at home before we got a child. When my husband is cooking he also watches YouTube and I react the same. I just leave. The frying, boiling, chopping, the coffee machine is urghh tooo much + child talking + toys. I leave the kitchen and go to the bedroom to calm down. Then he asks me “what’s wrong with you” why don’t you spend time with us? To me all this mixture of sounds feels like a wall that prevents me from entering the room/kitchen. I felt same about entering school btw when I was a kid. So I unapologetically just wear earplugs at home, as I used to get a lot of panic attacks or some sort of sensory meltdowns I’m not sure… I felt jittery crying, getting anxious and nervous over nothing or very little things. With the earplugs panic attacks and heart palpitations stopped. It’s so individual experience that it’s hard to give an advice. You may try some things and maybe talk to your therapist about this issue. 
min my case I never ask them to be quiet, I just asked my husband to stop making problems out of my behavior or earplugs. I can perfectly hear him what he says when he in the same room and I respond to him, so earplugs don’t make me hear nothing. They just make the noises tolerable. 

Welcome Bubby

I'm always a little cautious to advise people in very certain tones that THIS IS HOW IT IS, because I know, no matter how sure I am myself, someone else's experiences of life may be rather different.  But from what I've experienced, this feeling of burnout is a result of trying to be Neurotypical when you aren't.

Burnout - is a term which I take to be, you are exhausted, you are tired, you are using up large amounts of energy thinking, processing, acting. The reason you're doing so much is because you're struggling to fit the neurotypical bench-mark of how people act. You are pretending.

Or to be more accurate in my case - TRYING to act, but as I don't really know how to act, I was only guessing and probably doing a pretty bad job.

I'm 46, I had my diagnosis about 4 months ago now.  In that time I've left my old job (nothing to do with the Autism, it was just time) and started a new role.  After 25 years of working, this is my first job I'm officially OUT as a man with autism.

What this means in real terms.

- I don't feel nervous about talking to new people anymore, I launch in with a big HELLO, and probably within the first 2 minutes explain I'm autistic.

- there's then a few minutes where I explain this is new to me, so I'm learning how to talk to people because I don't normally do it and I'm sorry if my speech patterns, energy or topics of conversation seem strange.

- then launch into any conversation I like...

- I comfortably stim* in work without shame if it feels right

- I leave rooms or meetings if for whatever reason I'm feeling uncomfortable and it gets too much.

Basically I've turned into an Autistic freedom fighter, shameless, proud and for once in my life - comfortable.  I'm still tired (it's 18:18 on Saturday, I can feel my eye lids getting heavy).  But life doesn't feel as so much hard work as it did.

I think the more you learn about Autism (read, read, read some more, watch a video, read some more) the more you'll understand how the aspects effect you as a person, perhaps you'll be able to apply them to your daily life, learn and have confidence in what is "normal" for you, and you'll end up working less hard then you have done.

* Stimming if you've not come across it yet in your research, is the sort of repetitive actions a lot of us do instinctively to help soothe, hand flapping or rocking etc. Although most of us learn not to do it in public because at school you get picked on, and in the street you get stared at.  For me, my stimming tends to look like scrunching my hands under my chin and squeezing, it's a bit like a self hug.

Hi Alienatedhuman, thanks for your response. 

I can completely empathise with ignoring calls. At the moment, even opening well-meaning messages from people feels too overwhelming, let alone having to then muster the energy to meet the “How are you?” with a false “I’m fine, how about you?”

I only live with my husband, but even socialising with him feels overwhelming a lot of the time, which I feel very guilty about. I am also very sensitive to noise, and even something as simple as him watching a YouTube video whilst he cooks is enough to tip me over as it just adds to an already overwhelming symphony of sounds. I have communicated this to him, but he sometimes forgets, and having to remind him feels increasingly taxing.

I think that while he does his best to be supportive and considerate, because he experiences the world so differently, he will never be able to fully understand the extent to which these seemingly minor things can cause harm. I think I may well need to invest in some kind of ear wear to help me along too, although part of me also wishes I didn’t have to do this in my home. 

I am glad your husband is beginning to understand more about how you experience things, I can imagine it’s very challenging when you have a child too as they are likely too young to fully understand the situation. 

It happens to me to have periods when I feel tired of being alive (not suicidal) but I feel like I’m stuck in a swamp and I wanna hibernate somewhere far from everything and everyone. That I don’t even answer calls from my mom or sister which I have close relationships with, because I’m mentally not able to talk. I also withdraw from my husband at times, then he is more tired by looking after our daughter and also a bit upset that I withdraw. Im not sure if my experience is similar to yours. I’m lucky to have a job that suits me (no customer service, just office and warehouse, deliveries, data etc although I have some sensory issues there, I hope to sort it out with the management) but at home I’m often exhausted. I do it this way - I do my best to spend as much time as I can with my beloved ones, when I feel “better” - capable of being with them, but I also take my time and I emphasise that I need a time alone but I still love them. I take the only me time everyday, at least 1 or 2 hours when possible. Without it I would go crazy and possibly have awful meltdown or withdraw completely and regret afterwards. When I sit with them I use earplugs, because my daughter makes terrible noise. Terrible for me, my husband does not perceive it this way. It also took me long time to explain to him, why I need ear protection but he finally seems to understand that it’s not me ignoring him, but it’s me suffering.