Lonely

Hi.

Today is my birthday and I feel so lonely. It is 1:20pm and noone has messaged me to wish me happy birthday. (Don't feel pressured to say it... its not that).

It has been the same for the last three years since my ex- partner and I split up. He was usually the only one who ever said it because I've always wrapped myself around a partner's little finger. I have practically no friends (1 I've never met in person and 1 living in another country), and no contact with my family. I have a young son who obviously doesn't know about today.

I sometimes (like today) wonder why I have noone and why noone wants be around me. I know that me being autistic must have some bearing in my situation. I am late diagnosed female in my late 30s and looking back, I see many instances I was bullied and abused for being (what I now know is) autistic.  I just don't know how to get over this loneliness. It hurts a lot sometimes. 

Most of the time,  I feel OK with being alone and like being by myself but, days like today I feel the pain of not having anyone (adult) who cares.

I don't mean to sound selfish. I'm just hurt right now.