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Lonely

NAS94366
3 months ago

Hi.

Today is my birthday and I feel so lonely. It is 1:20pm and noone has messaged me to wish me happy birthday. (Don't feel pressured to say it... its not that).

It has been the same for the last three years since my ex- partner and I split up. He was usually the only one who ever said it because I've always wrapped myself around a partner's little finger. I have practically no friends (1 I've never met in person and 1 living in another country), and no contact with my family. I have a young son who obviously doesn't know about today.

I sometimes (like today) wonder why I have noone and why noone wants be around me. I know that me being autistic must have some bearing in my situation. I am late diagnosed female in my late 30s and looking back, I see many instances I was bullied and abused for being (what I now know is) autistic.  I just don't know how to get over this loneliness. It hurts a lot sometimes. 

Most of the time,  I feel OK with being alone and like being by myself but, days like today I feel the pain of not having anyone (adult) who cares.

I don't mean to sound selfish. I'm just hurt right now. 

Parents
  • 3 months ago

    I'm so sorry to hear you're alone on such a special day. I know we don't know each other but happy birthday angel ^-^ I have always found birthdays difficult myself and they have become a traumatic day for me, so I understand how you might be feeling. Sending love and birthday hugs from Nottingham <3 I hope it gets easier to make friends in person as you learn more about your autistic identity. Currently I am in a similar position where I don't understand the mechanics of friendship at all and I have only recently been diagnosed (about two months ago) so I have much to learn and I hope we both find the right friends and community to surround ourselves with :) 

Reply
  • 3 months ago

    I'm so sorry to hear you're alone on such a special day. I know we don't know each other but happy birthday angel ^-^ I have always found birthdays difficult myself and they have become a traumatic day for me, so I understand how you might be feeling. Sending love and birthday hugs from Nottingham <3 I hope it gets easier to make friends in person as you learn more about your autistic identity. Currently I am in a similar position where I don't understand the mechanics of friendship at all and I have only recently been diagnosed (about two months ago) so I have much to learn and I hope we both find the right friends and community to surround ourselves with :) 

Children
  • 3 months ago in reply to Ze

    Thank you!

    I hope yours is good whenever it is. I know it sounds bad, but I am glad to know I am not alone in feeling this way.

    Yes, it is tricky knowing how to navigate making new friends. As I said to Iain above, I don't know how to make that next step...

    I hope you have/find some good people around you too :-)