Published on 12, July, 2020
Today I feel somehow sad, somehow out of place, I feel like maybe it would be much better to not know… to not be aware and not identify as an aspie. In fact this knowledge and advice from this forum helped me improve my well-being, helped me decrease my anxiety, helped me deal with situations which cause me stress. All this is very useful for me. But sometimes self doubt and identity crisis is exhausting. This is the price. Looks like I’m not supposed to just relax and be fully happy. Maybe it’s not given to anyone. But today I’m sitting in the cafeteria and wondering how I would be if I didn’t know. Would I have this job, that I actually like and enjoy, or would I end up again as a customer service assistant and suffer from anxiety and overwhelm like before. Just wanted to share some thoughts. Today I feel like I shouldn’t be here like I don’t deserve it although I love this place. I know that imposter is pretty common among us. i wish you all a good day.
Hi, sorry you are struggling today, I’ve thought about work and often wondered ‘what if’? I sometimes see other peoples lives on social media who I went to school with, I often wonder why I haven’t progressed like they have. The truth is I would have struggled with anxiety and I just take longer to do things . People are just too much. I’ve often reflected on my life and thought there’s no way I’m not autistic, all the signs were there. The doubt then sets in, not having people accept I’m autistic doesn’t help. People seem to think it’s trendy at the moment as so many people are identifying as autistic. We know it’s not trendy having a brain that doesn’t always behave it’s self.
Today is very unsettling as it’s a bank holiday here, the day is too different. Hope your soon feeling more positive.
Thank you, yes it makes me cry, when I see and hear that for someone it’s trendy. I think for myself I would like to scream: “you want this trendy?! Then take it together with my struggles, stress, anxiety, being abused and rejected” yes I also know that the signs are obvious like the sun rising every morning, but still the moment comes “what if I’m wrong?” But as far as I know even officially diagnosed autists suffer from imposter. At least since I know my condition I stopped crying and wondering what’s wrong with me and why I can’t do things that others do seemingly easy and naturally.