Published on 12, July, 2020
There seems to be two schools of thought on this: do it and do not. Many people say that everyone masks - autistics and allistics alike and I do think that's true. Most people have a work-mask, for example. Some autistics say that they are fed up of masking and want to stop, or have stopped, and that it's better for them.
I've come to the conclusion that masking itself isn't the problem. I think, at least for me, it's the motivation behind it that needs to be examined. Why am I doing it?
Where I'm going with this is that masking can sometimes, I think, be good. It can be protective for the individual and it can even be enabling. Exhausting, yes, but still enabling. But other times it can be bad. Bad for me, and it can lead to a bad outcome for others. An example, would be if you're a "pleaser". I find it hard to say no and I consider that a part of my masking make-up. I often want to say no, but cannot, and yet sometimes no is the right answer.
Maybe I need to be more mindful in my masking.... if that's even possible. Anyone have any thoughts on this?
There is more than one mask, and the trick is to know which ones to stop wearing.
I've thrown away the "Always try to please others", "Go along with what others do to stop myself looking different" and "Don't tell others my weird interests" masks.
I've kept the "Short, no real meaning answers to greetings", "Not going on about myself or my interests until I bore the listener almost catatonic" and " Keep my skeletons in the closet " masks.
So, I don't go to any social events unless I feel I want to, I say what I think about things without worrying if it pleases others, and tell people I enjoy playing video games (not weird for some, but people think it is when you're a woman in your sixties)
I think that shedding those masks has helped me feel more relaxed and made me appear more genuine to my colleagues. I seem to have aquired a few friends now, and I maintain my working relationships by giving expected short responses (for example, to how are you? - Ok thanks, what about you?) to people I'm less close to, and by engaging more with those I'm closer to, including communication that helps them feel good (That top really suits you, could you help me with this, thank you for helping with that, etc). I don't tell anyone everything about myself or my past and I check they appear interested before going on about a topic that interests me. I'm not actually sure if these are masks or just learned behaviour, but I don't feel it's harmful to me. Neurotypical people have to learn this behaviour too, it's just more intuitive to them, and they behave differently at work than at home, so they wear masks too.