Published on 12, July, 2020
There seems to be two schools of thought on this: do it and do not. Many people say that everyone masks - autistics and allistics alike and I do think that's true. Most people have a work-mask, for example. Some autistics say that they are fed up of masking and want to stop, or have stopped, and that it's better for them.
I've come to the conclusion that masking itself isn't the problem. I think, at least for me, it's the motivation behind it that needs to be examined. Why am I doing it?
Where I'm going with this is that masking can sometimes, I think, be good. It can be protective for the individual and it can even be enabling. Exhausting, yes, but still enabling. But other times it can be bad. Bad for me, and it can lead to a bad outcome for others. An example, would be if you're a "pleaser". I find it hard to say no and I consider that a part of my masking make-up. I often want to say no, but cannot, and yet sometimes no is the right answer.
Maybe I need to be more mindful in my masking.... if that's even possible. Anyone have any thoughts on this?
I would say both - masking heavily and not masking at all can be wrong. At least for me. I used to mask a lot several years ago and still couldn’t form any friendships and endlessly wondered why. In college my colleagues wanted to have me in the projects, but then socially they rejected me as usual although I have masked a lot (subconsciously, I had no idea about ASD at that time) I remember doing things that I didn’t like or need just to fit in. And then sudddnly I withdrew from social life because I was exhausted of pretending and not getting the desired results. I was also abused many times, I was the people pleaser. Now after few years of social isolation I’m like a child and have to learn these things again. I hope to get used to it and be able to mask a bit more, but not as much as before. The difference is also that now I have more knowledge and awareness. So I think, that most important is finding the golden center - when masking is necessary and serves us, and when it’s not and it’s better to give up on it to save some more energy and if possible avoid having meltdowns/panic attacks or other bad reactions.