Published on 12, July, 2020
After almost 3 years spent home with my child I sent the little one to the kindergarten and got a job. I like my job, feel good there, I like the tasks and environment is bearable. But I really feel like I lost all my learned social skills, or maybe better to say - ability to mask. To the point that I feel like a little girl. I don’t talk, because I have no idea what to talk. It was always like this,,but before I somehow felt more comfortable around people and kinda dealing better at work. At the first day the boss told me, that I can have chats with my colleagues at work and that good atmosphere is important for everyone. I’m trying my best to not come across as rude but I suspect that some people might have already dislike me although I haven’t done anything bad to them. I just do my job, ask questions if I need help and try my best to communicate clearly. Now my mask slipped off and im worried that everyone around me knows I’m autistic. Maybe it’s just my paranoia. Although this company have written on their site, that they are friendly to people with disabilities… I already saw enough in such companies. I’m not sure if I’m able to regain the masking abilities and how to deal further. As for now most of the staff seems ok to me. I’m aware I would not notice subtle signs, that someone doesn’t like me so I wouldn’t know it unless they tell me straight in the face. Any thoughts or advice will be appreciated.
Thank you for your response and advice! Yes, I always stay away from gossips and I don’t engage because I don’t like them. I don’t have diagnosis because it’s expensive, stressful, I have huge fear from social services hovering over my family or maybe even taking daughter away, I heard horror stories. I’ve already got a confirmation from someone else living here in Germany that this is real and serious issue. The difference between before and now is that now I know I’m aspie. Before I didn’t so maybe masking was easier and more natural but yes you are right - energy consuming.
Alienatedhuman said:I really feel like I lost all my learned social skills, or maybe better to say - ability to mask.
This will take some time to recover your old techniques - a bit like going back to a dance you used to know the moves for years ago - you need to keep practicing.
To help overcome the anxiety this is giving I would suggest reading up on it:
Stress-Free Small Talk - How to Master the Art of Conversation and Take Control of Your Social Anxiety - Gallagher LMFT, Richard S (2020)ISBN 1641528958
Alienatedhuman said:Now my mask slipped off and im worried that everyone around me knows I’m autistic.
Being autistic is nothing to be ashamed of - and if you can remain without masking then you are saving energy by doing so.
If you have a diagnosis of autism then I would recommend sending a copy of the diagnosis to your HR/People dept and let your boss know, but say you pefer to keep it undisclosed from your colleagues for fear of discrimination. This will help protect you if anything does sideways as a result of your social interactions.
Once you have mastered a few bits of small talk with them, keep your distance from the gossip and other stuff so you can concentrate on your work - this may earn you some social distancing from them but that doesn't sound like ab bad thing.
You will soon get back up to the level you were at and maybe get better at the social interactions with the new found knowledge as time goes on.
I think this is a common problem for parents returning after a long time away from work - give it time and a little effort to get back into it and it will soon sort itself out.