Published on 12, July, 2020
I went through a traumatic event last year which I'm still recovering from.
Since the beginning of this year, I have only spoken to my therapist. She is the only person I feel comfortable talking to about everything. I feel safe, comfortable, and as though she tries to understand. I ambiguously talk about it in places like this too.
For most of last year, I spoke to two acquaintances I knew from work about it. At the time, I welcomed having people who wanted to speak to me. However, I struggled to convey what I was feeling to them. I tried my best, but I was met with "you need to forget about it, move on" but I couldn't explain why it wasn't that simple.
It all caught up with me and I decided that I didn't want to do it anymore. I didn't want to try and explain things to people who I didn't feel would understand, so I've avoided it completely. It's the same story with my immediate family; I had the "just forget about it" from my dad as recently as a week ago.
I did explain to one acquaintance where my head was at and they understood, and didn't pressure me to respond. I'm not easy to reach anyway - only about 4 people have my phone number, I'm on no social media either.
It's a weird one. On the one hand, I prefer keeping my distance while I sort my head out. However, re-entering society (or the thought of it) is feeling like a dead end prospect. I have basically latched onto my therapist, purely off the back of the fact she's supported me, not slammed the door in my face and tried to understand - the only person to have done. It means I've ended up falling in love with her. Well, a version of her that's emotionally available anyway - it's called transference in the therapy sphere.
I don't know if this is a unique thing to me. I imagine in most cases, you've got people who are there waiting for you when you're better. It's not really the case here for various reasons.
I'm not after advice, but I'm not necessarily venting either. I'm hoping I'm not on my own.
That's really cool she's autistic. That itself must be reassuring for you. Mine is trained to help autistic people but I don't think she's actually on the spectrum.
I'm glad you have someone like that. I'm lucky that my therapist is autistic too.
I'm sorry your going through this. But I'm glad you have your therapist to turn to for help when you need it. I think it's natural to feel close to your therapist, you can't open up and talk about so much without feeling a little close.It's good she's understanding and supportive of your situation.
I've got a therapist and she's trained in autism and I feel really close to her. I can talk to her about anything and nothing is too big or small, she listens, she understands me and it feels like I'm talking to a best friend rather than a therapist.
I hope you can continue working with yours and it she'll be able to help you work through the trauma you face.
I was unsure how my therapist would react when I first brought it up but her response intensified those feelings, because she didn't run away or anything like that.
It's safer for me to talk to her than go through the risky process of trying to meet new people.
I also fear the day I won't get to talk to her anymore.
I understand where you're coming from with this and I think a lot of other people do too. Like Amerantin says there's a lot of therapists online who talk about this.
So you're definitely not alone.
I'm currently seeing a therapist and she's amazing. She's patient, understanding, always kind and she has this smile which just sets me at ease every time I see it. I often feel like she's my best friend but I have to constantly remind myself she's not she's just my therapist but it's hard because I have no friends in real life but talking to her I imagine we're at home just chilling and chatting like friends would.
I have told her this and she said she understands and many of her patients think the same way. I dread the day when I no longer get to talk to her because she's the only person who's ever understood me.
I'm sorry you've gone through trauma. The road to recovery is a long one and often bumpy at times but there's always the hope that things will steadily get better. Hang in there. X
She did reassure me that there are other people like her.
My worry is that I'm now going to have too high expectations, like I'll expect things to be perfect and for people to be clear and upfront with me. You'd think that's standard but I feel like I'm being difficult.
HMO said:exacerbated by the fact she feels a friend and a partner type all in one - I have neither in real life
Me neither, I really do understand the confused feelings.
Thank you. Yeah, even if I hammer home the point that my therapist will never be anything other than that, I still found myself feeling a certain way towards her, but it's exacerbated by the fact she feels a friend and a partner type all in one - I have neither in real life.
I know you're not alone in having these experiences. There are many YouTube videos where therapists talk about these issues.
One big difference with my own experience though is that I was terribly aware that my relationship with my therapist was a transactional financial one, not any kind of real friendship. She was never anything other than lovely to me, but the way I'm wired I could never see that as anything other than her doing what she was paid to do.
I hope you find a way to recover from your trauma and move on, however long that takes.