Published on 12, July, 2020
I can only enjoy good things if I 'deserve' them, and that means I must either work hard before the good thing or be sad or tired before the good thing.
It doesn't make sense because people's worth is not in their productivity but my brain is still being difficult.
It makes it hard for me to take long breaks, more than one day of taking a break gets me all depressed and guilty.
And I always have a general sense of guilt for everything; examples:
I don't know how to change this. Is it my own ableism (like feeling bad for not having a driving license even though I know driving was overwhelming and stressful for me), is it something my parents taught me, or something else?
Any thoughts are appreciated. Thank you!
Aww you deserve good things for sure. Don’t put yourself down like that. Maybe your just overthinking things a bit.
Thank you Yellow tree. <3 Someone else said I'm overthinking it but I actually think that I have not thought about it enough cause it's been there forever and I never really figured out why. I will though one day.