Published on 12, July, 2020
I've been getting frustrated with myself. I try and try to fit in and to be normal but nothing ever changes. I see people and I get intense anxiety and that makes my head spin and I feel sick and sweaty. I don't get why I struggle so much with the seemingly simplest things like answering the phone or going outside.
I don't understand myself. Everything I try results in intense anxiety and it leaves me exhausted and completely overwhelmed, sometimes for days after.
Now I've even been in touch with my GP and she referred me to mental health *gags* and they were useful AF and decided I needed to be detained just because I struggle with ordinary autism problems.
I tried working too and they let me go after a week.
I'm frustrated with myself because I can't be normal like everyone else seems to be like. My mum said to me last week why can't I be normal.
I've tried explaining my situation and how I find certain things difficult but my mum doesn't believe me and no one else seems to.
Just want to scream.
Hello
Welcome to the community forum.
I get frustrated with people who treat me as if I've got a learning disability. In my 40s which I don't look like (people think I'm 20-30); been bullied throughout my life.
1. 2007-2019 ended up leaving a workplace where I got treated badly and bullied. Coming up 5 years since I left (does time fly); my notice got handled badly. Colleagues tried to get me to change my mind and didn't read my feedback. 10 days later got myself into the stock room (not challenged); first words were what are you doing here? we need you back on delivery and clock in now. months later same thing happened and one of the people said add me on Facebook and I said no. I wrote to the head office and was ignored.
2.Tried something new from the NHS website: local hospital
You'll need to complete at least six shifts over six months otherwise we'll sadly have to withdraw you from the Bank.
It would have been similar to having an app to book shifts etc.
Pleased this is over now as been a rollercoaster. The supervisor doesn't answer emails and has bank holidays/Christmas periods off. Annoying. Last year I had my P45 in the post and felt like was being shoved in my face. Reckoned happened to more people who were in the induction.
People still ask me in the street are you on your way to work? Or are you working now? I explained that I attended a community group and met some nice people.
In a nutshell, companies don't understand autism. In the news recently that people with autism are struggling especially with the application forms and interviews. Absolutely ridiculous. Need support group in my town or a café which only hires autistic people etc.
*this reminds me of the post office scandal, where bosses knew all along and did nothing about it. Really too late now. Something should of been done at the time.*
What supposed to do now?
3. This is what happened in 2020 before COVID was declared:
Used to have a meeting before I started at the library where I used to volunteer (now gone to pot); this unfortunate day it was cancelled at short notice due to sickness. I used to get very upset.
The administrator explained to me in person what happened. Also, I emailed her to say thank you for explaining what happened.
Out of the bloom I had to attend a meeting as someone said we needed to talk. Also, I was told not to contact the young administrator as she doesn't know what to do with the emails.
Afterwards, I returned home and emailed the person saying this wasn't expected and there was no reply. The reason was that there was an incident.
My shock horror was that the local charity went behind my back, and told the board of directors that they were concerned about my welfare. Told the person to step back. Plus told me to get counselling.
Also, the local charity CEO was going sign post me to another organisation (made up story);
I ended up making a GP appointment and they asked me why the local charity was concerned about my welfare. My reply was I don't know.
The person who did this to me was someone I had known for a long time.
Most of the charity staff left due to burnout. Now they have new staff members.
I did tell my friends and listening services what happened. Told me they shouldn't have done this.
Still, go there despite haven't forgiven them yet.
3. In 2021 Family member banged on me to find a job and forced me to go to a job fair. I'd froze. Asked why I was crying and said out loud having dark thoughts. Nobody helped me.
In 2022, a relative had the idea to send me a cheque so I could do a hiking holiday (COVID is still around); or do a residential training course. I'd declined it. Another occasion nearly forced me to do bookbinding. Then turned nasty saying forget we had this conversation and trying to plan for your future. I was crying and self-harmed again. Listening services and my friends said they shouldn't have done this.
Family members thought that the community group was just for retired people. Not as anyone can turn, women only and all ages. Now they've cottoned on as it's something I enjoy doing.
My advice is to ignore them and carry on with your life.
Hope this helps you.
Hello Zen garden.
Oh my goodness you have been through so much! I'm so sorry that you've had to endure so much of that in your life. Some people can be absolutely horrible at times can't they? Such a shame because if they stopped, and really tried, they could see it from our side and see how hard we try and how many challenges we face each day.
It's not easy and it's made doubly hard when people make comments or deliberately hurt and use us.
I really hope this hasn't affected you too badly and you're doing better now.
The only really negative person in my life is my mum but I'm lucky that I moved out now and am doing much better in my own place.