I want life to stop

Everything you describe is listed as one of the characteristics of autistic burnout listed in this document:

https://committees.parliament.uk/writtenevidence/117253/pdf/

• Fatigue, extreme exhaustion
• Increased sensitivity to sensory input
• Loss of skills such as functional memory
• Increasing meltdowns and shutdowns
• Stop talking
• Headaches and migraines

It isn't going to get any better while you continue to be put under extreme pressure in an unsuitable environment on a daily basis. Something needs to change and you desperately need the kind of adjustments and accommodations described in the post by Natalie above.

I did just fine with the other 10 years of school, so id probably just be making it up or being lazy.

Burnout has a cumulative impact, so all of those 10 years have built up to the point where you are no longer able to function effectively and mask. It is very real and you're not being lazy. Anyone who may think that is completely invalidating your experience of the world.

As this article explains, you're currently in survival mode. The only way out of that is getting the support you need combined with having the demands placed on you reduced.

https://www.barrierstoeducation.co.uk/burnout

If it is burnout, it says it can last months. If I do have all this for months then how will I pass school? 

In my opinion Frozen, I don't think you need to worry yourself about burnout.  When most of us experience burnout, we are really buggered and really unable to do anything much at all.  That's how most of us know when we have burnt out......we are barely functional.

You're functional and clear thinking from what I see.

In general I think that the time to worry about burnout is before a person loses the ability to function.

Burnout can build up over a considerable period of time when there may be repeated cycles of lots of 'mini' burnouts, with each one taking more recovery time than the last. As mentioned above it can also present atypically as a massive increase in anxiety rather than exhaustion.

I think those of us who have been through severe and extreme burnouts will look back and see that there were warning signs which were not taken heed of. Being able to prevent another person going through something similar is about recognising those early warning indicators and that action is needed to prevent the situation getting any worse.

I disagree with this. I’ve experienced very severe burnout a few times now and I pushed through so much and was still working insane hours and performing at my studies or degree. I was very burnout even then- and everything felt like it took a superhuman effort. But somehow I managed to get absorbed by work and get on with it. Until I couldn’t - I ended up so physically ill (underweight) that a GP had to tell me to take time out. Even then I didn’t realise the extent of my burnout- only when I actually stopped working , i fell apart completely and it took months and I wasn’t recovered - i ended up having to return to work/ studies and the cycle repeated. But I think you can still appear to be functioning on the outside whilst already being severely burnt out. I even expend even more energy into work when I am in this state - it makes no sense but is one of reasons that my burnout tends to get so severe. I worry I’ll never recover fully. So I think it is very important to listen to what your body and mind is telling you- it doesn’t matter how ‘well you appear to function’ to someone watching you. It is about the energy it takes to maintain that and how you feel. 

Certainty is not something often available in this life .... and never assured with a remote opinion !

out_of_step said:

Nature is less demanding and a different kind of input so walking it is for now.

That’s great! I love being out in nature too, it is very calming. I hope you can find some nice parks or green spaces to explore.

I find often, that information in "words" is too much to take in. The things which interest me are often not the easiest thing for my brain but then I get easily bored with "fluff". Nature is less demanding and a different kind of input so walking it is for now.

Glad you found the article interesting and it resonated with you!

out_of_step said:

The seeking a monotropic flow state to aid recovery is interesting. I have been in this position for longer than I would desire. I am CRAVING to get my teeth stuck into something but am unable to find a bite. I just cannot concentrate to find activities meaningful. The mind and body are not connecting in this way. If I were to find something it would do me the world of good

Yes absolutely I completely understand what you mean. Being in a monotropic flow state is very comforting and regulating so it makes so much sense for us to seek this while still in burnout. I think that these flow states can provide escapism from burnout as the world literally feels as though it stops and because I am so immersed in a task I don’t recognise time passing (hence this could a means of recovering from burnout).

It must be so frustrating to be craving a flow state but not be able to achieve it! If you find you can’t concentrate, what about small tasks or listening to podcasts that interest you?

out_of_step said:

They're only for the REALLY mad people!

LOL.

I'm flattered

out_of_step said:

They're only for the REALLY mad people!

LOL.

I'm flattered