Published on 12, July, 2020
Today was my first day back to school since my winter break. Yesterday I was nervous because I wasnt sure what things would change and what would stay the same. I wont go into detail of my day because 1, you dont care, and 2, I dont have enough words or will to write about it.
All day I just kept wanting to cry and right now I just wish I didnt have to live (im not su*cidal, I just dont want to). Ive realised that when I have school then im much less happy than when I dont. The thing is that today wasnt even particularly bad in any way, it was just a normal school day: got made fun of a little, anxiety, bright lights, loud shovey rude people, more anxiety. I havent eaten anything all day so maybe thats to do with some of it but I dont feel like eating.
I want to do school. I like learning, I like my teachers and even the students can be fine when they are nice and I can observe them interacting with each other but not me. But every time I have school then I just want to drop out. I wont because im too nervous to talk to whoever you talk to to drop out, and I know ill regret it.
But how the heck did any of you get through school every day? Im a bit nervous to post this because whenever I start talking about my problems then people get annoyed with me and stop being my friend. There must be some NT code about how much negative emotions youre allowed to share or something.
I learned that you can't depend on NT to break the ice, because they don't like the awkwardness and the nervousness that comes from doing that. So I learned to be the instigator, to greet them, share something positive with them, make small talk that's interesting, and listen to any stories they have, but don't go into sharing negative things, not yet anyways.
Now, if they feel comfortable with you, which might take some time to happen, they'll start feeling comfortable enough to share the negative parts of their day or life with you, and it's a sign that they trust you enough to open up to you about those negative things, so you can just take a moment to listen to them and affirm that yes, that was a bad day, and just let them vent, and they'll eventually feel better. And then if you're feeling negative one day, they'll be more willing to listen to you. I hope this helps,
That is helpful. Seems difficult though
Edit: Wait can you all see this? I didnt get notified that it was marked as spam but my other posts werent fixed yet so im confused.. Hopefuly my spam posts come though because I wrote a responce to each of you but I was waiting for it to send once I was un-spamed