Judged

As a 53 years old Irish gay man, living in the U.K. 21 years, from an Irish Catholic background in Rural Ireland and having been diagnosed in 2021, I’ve had far more judgemental attitudes on the gay scene, which is why I cut all ties with the gay community 19 years ago as I got tired of the hate from other gay people, other gay men in particular - yet, I have drawn huge inspiration from Ru Paul’s Drag Race and the stories of Mama Ru herself and the other Queens when dealing with “shade” as drag queens have to be very thick skinned and resilient when dealing with their haters - with autism, I see many parallels with the LGBT community as an older gay man in the 21st century in our struggles for acceptance and equality 

I think, by definition, all autists have a different mindset......but finding a way to think and manage this....that's the puppy !!

I am very happy for people who seem to have that ability innately...I did not.  Mine came out of adversity, and I note with some comfort, that others on these pages have come to calmness a similar way.  I hope this fact gives hope to those who are currently struggling with their affairs and own thoughts.

It is unbearably bleak to walk the dark and hopeless corridors of the mind...feeling that you are locked in there forever....but if you can stay sane and not panic....I think that any type of profound and existential adversity can deliver clarity and happier pastures....eventually.

Hope springs eternal.

Well thank you kindly.....It is lovely to settle down to my work now, having been told that I have managed to write something inspiring for you already today!  This bodes well for me ?

Yes, I guess it's having a different mindset/way of thinking to manage things.

Thank you 

Well said, Number. 

Your post was very inspiring really and is a great way to live by.

Your part saying about wanting the same thing reminded me of this Belinda Carlisle song...

youtu.be/qUgyEEve_BM

The only thing you fear (based on what you say) is fear itself.  People will judge, it's human nature.  I know that I get pretty "judgey" when I see 80% of the population all following the latest fashion and how they all look the same....want the same....behave the same...I am amazed and saddened by this.  Similarly, I have no doubt that I am judged too.  So what?!

I am not fearful of any judgement.....I concentrate on getting my own behaviours and thoughts right.....for me.  Not as easy as it sounds, but I do think that this is the key thing to concentrate upon, whilst fear can (and should) be dispelled.

Not sure this is helpful, but it's how I am.

Number

I think it is a time thing. With people you know and the strangers on the street.. You can't change their opinion and you gain nothing from worrying about it. What's important is what you know about yourself and the people who know you and who matter will agree with you and like you for you.

I've found the older I've got - 27 now - I care less about what people think about me. 

Thank you. Maybe I'll get there in time. This is all new to me. 

It's not just people that I know that I worry about. It's people I don't know, like people on the bus or in shops. 

I used to feel like this as well. Now I just don't give an F of what people think about me. Nobody is perfect and honestly if being normal means to be boring and bland I would rather be different and weird all day. 

My advice is just be yourself and if people have a hard time accepting that then they are not meant to be people in your life. If we value the opinions of others so much and it's negative it's like tying anchors to our feet and it weighs us down. I say this as someone who hates judgmental people but you know what? It's their loss judging you rather than taking the time to know you and get a good friend out of it.

I no longer let people's judgement ruin my life and upset me. They aren't worth it.