Thinking about filling-out a UC50? Thoughts?

I had been unemployed for a long time, I wish for meaningful-employment, but I am wishing? Because I don’t see the end of the rainbow. So I am completing a course of 1:1 sessions with AutismWestMidlands, in which we we try to look at ‘reasonable-adjustments’ and routes to employment, but failing that I cant really see how many options I have left, but to admit that I am incapable. Which I shall analyse, during this post, to the degree that my lived experience allows.

The last paid employment that I held was a painfully-discouraging position, in which my employment tried-and-failed to haze me out of, with anything short of proving my incapability. I was fired for incapability. Ultimately I had masked my way through 3 months of training, and had failed to handle the performance culture until my departure, I was essentially in a catatonic-stressed-confused state for a whole year.

I squeaked through university with a ‘PASS’ grade, because I used to crash and burn from Jan to July, every year until graduation. I was terrible at tests, I was okay at developing my skill in coursework, but only for the first three-months of every academic year. I simply couldn’t focus on my studies or daily-living or social-life. I used to stress out some of the lecturers because my expressive grievances made them feel distress and made them worry about my psychological state.

I tried to start a couple of businesses, but I simply ran out of steam before my intellect allowed me to finish my business-plans, save for window-cleaning. I did enterprise-course and read-up on textbooks, I used case-studies and I gained mentors, but I ultimately lacked the energy to go on.

I tried to join the Navy as a Mental Health Nurse, which was unavailable, so I started the process for Warfare Officer. I aced all the preliminary test, and joined a gym, and got in shape for a test greater-than the required scores. But I was faltered by an Brigadier (I think) who failed me on eye-sight; and ignorant as I am, I didn’t realise that the gym-trainers only gave a few sessions for free and I was snubbed-hard by my trainer, which really knocked me down. Ultimately I failed to read the room and was slammed by both persons.

I worked as a volunteer for Adult Education, I loved working with the teacher and being part of a buddy system, but I didn’t work efficiently and wasn’t good at politics. So I was denied the lowest-paid lowest-requirement hardest-to-employ job on the campus and was turned down. When I asked the recruitment-lead ‘why..?’, she just got tearful and said she didn’t know and would enquire, then she got back a few days later and told me that it was because they didn’t have the budget to add more to the insurance. A lie, I know..

For the last 7 years I have applied for dozens of jobs over the year, received dozens of ‘unfortunately’s, any interview I have had was either for the scheme I was with to build-up the quota for interviews, or for companies wishing to poach market insights from unwitting job-seekers. I have been told endless white-lies and have given myself endless pats on the back.

I have gone through the Job-centre, ShawTrust x2, Restart scheme, Princes Trust x2, Enterprise Schemes, Adult learning. For years and non of them have taken an inch of ground, no manager, or smooth-operator, or battle-axe, or silent-type could move me. But I believe that maybe I am just being blindly-hopeful, and that I have had the answer to my question since the beginning, ‘Incapability’.

So my question is: Is it reasonable at this point to consider that I have limited-capability for finding work and maintaining employment? Do I limited-capability owing to my neurological-condition, my consequent-development, and my psychological-issues? Should I apply for LCWRA or am I just milking it at this point..?