Published on 12, July, 2020
I had been unemployed for a long time, I wish for meaningful-employment, but I am wishing? Because I don’t see the end of the rainbow. So I am completing a course of 1:1 sessions with AutismWestMidlands, in which we we try to look at ‘reasonable-adjustments’ and routes to employment, but failing that I cant really see how many options I have left, but to admit that I am incapable. Which I shall analyse, during this post, to the degree that my lived experience allows.
The last paid employment that I held was a painfully-discouraging position, in which my employment tried-and-failed to haze me out of, with anything short of proving my incapability. I was fired for incapability. Ultimately I had masked my way through 3 months of training, and had failed to handle the performance culture until my departure, I was essentially in a catatonic-stressed-confused state for a whole year.
I squeaked through university with a ‘PASS’ grade, because I used to crash and burn from Jan to July, every year until graduation. I was terrible at tests, I was okay at developing my skill in coursework, but only for the first three-months of every academic year. I simply couldn’t focus on my studies or daily-living or social-life. I used to stress out some of the lecturers because my expressive grievances made them feel distress and made them worry about my psychological state.
I tried to start a couple of businesses, but I simply ran out of steam before my intellect allowed me to finish my business-plans, save for window-cleaning. I did enterprise-course and read-up on textbooks, I used case-studies and I gained mentors, but I ultimately lacked the energy to go on.
I tried to join the Navy as a Mental Health Nurse, which was unavailable, so I started the process for Warfare Officer. I aced all the preliminary test, and joined a gym, and got in shape for a test greater-than the required scores. But I was faltered by an Brigadier (I think) who failed me on eye-sight; and ignorant as I am, I didn’t realise that the gym-trainers only gave a few sessions for free and I was snubbed-hard by my trainer, which really knocked me down. Ultimately I failed to read the room and was slammed by both persons.
I worked as a volunteer for Adult Education, I loved working with the teacher and being part of a buddy system, but I didn’t work efficiently and wasn’t good at politics. So I was denied the lowest-paid lowest-requirement hardest-to-employ job on the campus and was turned down. When I asked the recruitment-lead ‘why..?’, she just got tearful and said she didn’t know and would enquire, then she got back a few days later and told me that it was because they didn’t have the budget to add more to the insurance. A lie, I know..
For the last 7 years I have applied for dozens of jobs over the year, received dozens of ‘unfortunately’s, any interview I have had was either for the scheme I was with to build-up the quota for interviews, or for companies wishing to poach market insights from unwitting job-seekers. I have been told endless white-lies and have given myself endless pats on the back.
I have gone through the Job-centre, ShawTrust x2, Restart scheme, Princes Trust x2, Enterprise Schemes, Adult learning. For years and non of them have taken an inch of ground, no manager, or smooth-operator, or battle-axe, or silent-type could move me. But I believe that maybe I am just being blindly-hopeful, and that I have had the answer to my question since the beginning, ‘Incapability’.
So my question is: Is it reasonable at this point to consider that I have limited-capability for finding work and maintaining employment? Do I limited-capability owing to my neurological-condition, my consequent-development, and my psychological-issues? Should I apply for LCWRA or am I just milking it at this point..?
I made this argument to my autism-specialist today, I said that I used to think that autist job-suitability, was a luxury to anyone else. But I have come to think that the job-role that an autist requires, is not only rare, but that it exists it a vacuum between performance and what we need it adjusted-to. So if if you get this role, it is only a matter of time, before some new manager seeks to eliminate the wiggle-room that you have found..
And yes, I have PIP, plus stuff..
DeSpereaux said:Should I apply for LCWRA or am I just milking it at this point..?
For you at this point, it's a no brainer. I've not gone down the UC50 route myself (as of yet) but it's there if I need it. Do you at least have support in the way of PIP?
The way I see it, autistics have been excluded from the workplace through no fault of our own. If NT's can't accept us in the workplace they've an obligation to fund our upkeep through taxes. Those are my views anyway, I've had nothing but bad experiences in the workplace.
Thanks Iain, I’ll raise this point with my autism specialist, to see if he can work with these criterion, though I fear that I’m not likely to find may more opinions save for this avenue. Unless of course this encounter of an uncommonly-inclusive small-business owner that you mention..
DeSpereaux said:So my question is: Is it reasonable at this point to consider that I have limited-capability for finding work and maintaining employment? Do I limited-capability
Your experiences do clearly point to you being a poor fit in neurotypical teams and with multiple attempts, I think it safe to suggest this is not the way forward for you.
Starting your own business is also not working due to the way you cope with workload and stress, so unless you develop different coping mechanisms around this then I don't think this is an option.
Where you probably do have a chance is as part of a much smaller team with someone who is understanding and accomodating to your autistic traits. A local business doing some of the self-employed business ideas would seem a logical fit as you have a solid understanding of the work required.
An open, honest and non-confrontational style of interaction with your boss would be essential to this working so you need to ask yourself if you can manage this. No judgement, just checking if you feel this is possible as you refer to " expressive grievances" with your uni lecturer.
That is where I would start in your position. Speak to local companies and see if there is an option for you to work with them even on a trial basis and take it from there.
Im sort-of trapped between my perception of what is ethical and what the reality of my situation is..