Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all. Sorry if this is long lately I've been getting more in state than normal. 18 months ago it became apparent I'm. Autistic and I been pre diagnosed and my official is in September. When I told my parents that I was they firstly denied it and then said they knew I was dyspraxic at 3 had a private assessment. I was never ever told this until now. I had a mental break down 20 years ago. Now I just feel lost and really angry my outburst lately getting more frequent. I'm very stressed at moment with various things. I question myself allot and question if I'm actually autistic. So many people say I am now and it makes sense they say since the diagnosis. I think people are thinking why now are you behaving different when I think for so long I've held in my outbursts because I fear people would be upset by experiencing them especially my children so I go opposite and cry. This week I've felt so exhausted and drained. Someone said its a autistic burn out but I don't know because to me it's been normal. So many questions. Am I right to feel and hold onto anger and resent and has anybody else been like this.
Many thanks Richard
Hi Richard,
It's normal to feel angry when you realise later in life. It's an emotion that people often feel when grieving. To question whether you are actually autistic when going through the diagnostic process is also completely normal. It's best if you can allow yourself to feel the emotions and take breaks from thinking about it when you get overwhelmed. It's normal to wonder "what if?". What if you'd been diagnosed younger, been understood better, not been so hard on yourself because you would have understood yourself better. Those are common feelings when your sense of self and identity is shifting. Try not to judge how you feel as "bad". Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are. As for your parents, they were working with what they had back then. They have reasons for not telling you. Maybe that's a conversation you'll be able to have with them sometime.
Remember, you are the person you have always been. Hopefully things will start to make sense as you get further along. That's what happened for me, and lots of other people here.
Do you listen to podcasts or read books? If you can learn from other autists that have lived experience and what strategies have worked for them it saves you a lot of time and energy as you learn how to adapt to your new circumstances. It also helps you feel less alone to share experiences. Some resources that I am currently finding helpful are the 1800 Seconds on Autism podcast on BBC Sounds, Unmasking Autism by Dr Devon Price, and The Neurodivergent Friendly Workbook of DBT Skills by Sonny Jane Wise. If you want more recommendations I'm sure other members of the community will provide them.
With your current stress try to prioritise what actually needs to be done and put the rest on the back burner for now, and build rest in to your daily routine, it will help with the overwhelm that's leading to feeling burnt out. There's a guide here that may help:
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/autistic-fatigue/autistic-adults
It does get easier.
Thanks that has helped allot