Published on 12, July, 2020
There is a behaviour that happens on this forum and it is worse than trolling because the poster may or may not be genuine, and you care about them but then no matter what you suggest to try help them they won't accept it. They might as well preface their original post with "whatever you say I have accepted my fate and it is bad, it just sucks to be autistic, you should feel bad too" and have it over with.That may not be their intention, but we know intention counts for nothing compared to the result. So here it is the lesson learned today, don't wast your energy trying to help those that don't want to be helped. Yes you are right to care, yes you are right to be confused but you need to recognise the cut off point.You cannot save a drowning man by reaching out to him if he won't reach back. For our own sakes as autistic people we need to maintain our own emotional energy, and self preservation is not selfish.Yes there was a specific incident that set off the need to post this, but it's not just about one person, there are others who have and will come in here and engage in this behavior. And whether they mean to or not it harms the community here because it creates the same effect as feeding-the-doom-trolls-comes-at-a-cost and takes it's toll on our collective mental health. It's great to care, I wish more people cared, but please keep yourselves safe and healthy first.
I am a very negative person, have been very depressed in the past and currently not the sunniest of personalities.
I am new to the forum but I have seen Debbie and Bees responding kindly and helpfully to so many posts. I think even to mine though I haven't looked back.
My only comment is, when I am deeply depressed I can ask for advice and seem totally ungrateful when I respond. Even mean or cruel in response.
Maybe people are horrible, my experience is quite a lot of the time they just don't care. But unkind responses are in my case usually because of insecurity not because the advice was bad.
You have all so far been great, thanks - been nice to connect
Hi Eyes, I hope my post won't discourage you from seeking advice, I will just have to manage my own capacity to respond to people better in future. Though it would help if perhaps as Juniper mentioned people could preface whether they are looking for practical advice or just a chance to vent and get some empathy. Maybe it should be a peice of guidance on how to join the forums when people sign up, because we almost all autistic here, we shouldn't be able to be honest about our needs and not expect people to read too much between the lines, because some of us really struggle with that. Sorry I ended up doing the digital equivalent of trailing of talking to myself then.
It doesn't discourage me at all, I think I understand your post. My point was more to try and put the point of view of a depressed person. Negative and potentially slightly unfriendly seeming. At least that's how I am. I just hope it doesn't discourage you. Sometimes people react to advice badly, but they just need time to absorb it.
All the best, eyes