Just venting - ignore me!

I just come to accept that others are two-faced. However, I play dumb around them. What's good for the Goose is good for the Gander.

Well thank goodness they did and that you listened. Sometimes it can be hard to see, but there often is a lot of good mixed in amongst the not so good. Sometimes we can spot it and other times it’s harder. I think I may be rambling now.

I hope everyone can find some a little bit of that goodness here too.

I can relate to that. This community really helped/is helping me to do the same. It takes a lot of time to come to terms with everything. For me, after being assessed, I sort of when into analysis mode and reflected on every part of my life through that new lens. I had to remind myself that I was still the same person I always had been up until that point. The only difference post diagnosis was that I now had some knowledge that I didn’t have before. With knowledge, planning for what I find difficult or when I find things difficult has become a lot easier.

Cheers CG Oak - that's nice of you to say.  I would love to say that I realised this for myself.....but I was actually conditioned to accept this reality by good (but clearly mad) people who simply wouldn't tolerate my ever worsening self-loathing..... they KEPT banging on about my good bits !

I have been blessed with a VERY few VERY good people in my life that have literally saved me at times.

I am often baffled when I encounter "love" towards me....I don't get it.....I often don't see it or brush it aside quickly.  I can cope and understand when I receive praise or respect for good/useful things I do... but generalised "love" type stuff is weird.

I'm a bit older than you - but not that much.  I have come to understand (in the last year or so) that there are MANY things happening around me that I don't automatically perceive....but if I make a concious effort to be open to the idea that people might be "being nice to me".... I can see it (or the possibility of it) FAR more readily.

When you are ready (worked past your current blues), perhaps make a concious effort to have a PMA (positive mental attitude) towards TRYING to be open to the fact that people ARE actually being nice/loving towards you.....and perhaps you are just not auto-tuned to spotting it.

no problem with you commenting.   I am really trying to work out how to deal with this better, so all suggestions are welcome.

I hope you don’t mind me jumping in here but I wanted to say that this

Unknown said:

Never being able to read people accurately or consistently DOESN'T mean you can never read people.  You can - the key is working out when you can and when you can't !

is excellent advice/ reframing. I think I could have avoided several of these sorts of times that are described had I heard this sooner.

I wanted to come and write something similar, but your words here are better than I would have managed.

Thanks.  i am late 40s and i have 'seen' a positive emotion towards me in anothers expression twice in my life.

Thanks.  I am hoping things will improve, but i am having a rough time of it at the moment.

Since i gave up on being social it was in some way easier as i was ... dead inside.  Having now done a deep dive on Autism, my issues and past failures, I am profoundly aware of my issues and it has taken away that emotional dead-ness ... 

I have been to one autistic meetup ... it was good.

Touay,

It is good to vent.  I know what rough days feel like - when they are strung together.  So the following is not aimed at trying to make you feel instant happiness / snap out of where you are..........but it will hopefully keep you positivity well gently topped up....

Never being able to read people accurately or consistently DOESN'T mean you can never read people.  You can - the key is working out when you can and when you can't !

You will get to see an expression of love toward you.....but you might need to look harder to notice it.

Number

It doesn't necessarily have to be so negative. Some of us do learn how to read people, we just have to take it on as a special interest and do it consciously rather than subconsciously! An alternate thought, have you tried to interact face to face with autistic people? The double empathy problem suggests we can read each other in ways NTs can't read us.

So don't give up on being able to read people, use your knowledge of your autism as a tool to find the way to solve your problem. You couldn't do it before, but didn't know why, now you know why, let knowledge be power and use it to find a solution.