Published on 12, July, 2020
I came here in the hope of finding work and maybe finding a reason to keep on going, but there is nothing here. It's almost as if this place is just some sort of front for the government to say they are actually helping the autistic, when infact, they are just leaving us to die.
I hate the world, I've no desire to keep on living nor do I have a desire to connect with anymore as I just don't like anyone anymore. I keep wanting to get a job, but my lack of confidence, self-esteem and messed up head keeps me from doing so. I can't enjoy any of my hobbies because I keep worrying about work and now that my fit note is over, I'm going to keep getting hassle from DWP to find work while I wait ages for therapy, which probably won't do anything for me anyway. I want to die, but don't have it in me to kill myself and I have no desire to be apart of this heap of *** called modern civilization.
I don't even know what to do anymore.
Im so sorry your feeling like this. I dont know what to say apart from that I have been where you are now and I want to tell you it does not last forever. yes the modern world is a pile of c**p and everything is stacked against us but there is still beauty in it. I go out and feed the ducks at the river and I think about how they havnt changed since hundreds of years ago, everything in nature stays the same and that gives me some peace and joy. The modern world wants us to believe there are no alternatives to it but there are
As for getting a job, thats something I have always struggled with so I dont know what to say. Is there anything you are good at or anything you love? maybe you could find a job with that. You mentioned about becoming homeless, I dont know if you are on Universal Credit but there are saftey nets that could stop that happening. Talk to your local Citizens Advice Beureu they may be able to help. SCOPE offer support and advice on employment for autistic people. they may be a shout as well
All Im saying is dont give up. No matter how hopeless it seems it never truly is. Honestly. thats what Ive learnt. Here if you need to talk