Published on 12, July, 2020
Do you get angry? I get angry. A "friend" of mine is making me angry today. If you get angry then this is the thread to let off steam. All those irritating NT's winding you up. You'd like to bury them in a shallow grave wouldn't you? *Hold on there is someone at the door**Sound of man being dragged away by White Coated individuals*
I currently find myself in a situation of wanting to have a jolly good vent, but almost feeling too mentally drained to do so. Very much a case of thinking, "Please shoot me now!"
A phone call from my mother, lasting almost an hour has been responsible for me now wanting to let out an exasperated scream. I have mentioned before on the forums that whilst my mother probably uses technological gadgets more frequently than me, she is (in my opinion) the last person on the planet that should use them. If more than a day passes without her experiencing some kind of problem with her laptop, smartphone, and sometimes her TV, it's an absolute flipping miracle.
One of today's issues was that my mother had signed into her BBC account and noticed that the last time it had been updated was back in 2021. At least I think that is what she had said. My response was to tell my mother that unless she had cause to amend any of her account details (i.e. e-mail address, password, etc), I did not feel this was something she needed to worry about.
Initially, I had begrudgingly offered to pop over to my mother's house to take a look, but then she started rabbiting on about this, that, and the other... Generally, things that were unrelated, and were of little interest to me. I let her ramble on, although made it clear that my brain felt exhausted. I had probably contributed no more than about 2 minutes of speech to that lengthy telephone conversation. However, when my mother finally started to bring that phone call to an end, she made it sound (not for the first time) as though I had been the one doing most of the talking. Not helping matters was when she asked if I was still intending to pop over to her house, as she felt like we had just been going around in circles.
I am now feeling deeply concerned. After bringing my son up to speed about the lengthy phone call from my mother, she phoned again. As I was in no mood to answer, I decided to let my phone's built-in answering machine deal with the call. Despite the well-spoken voice on the answering machine sounding not in the least bit like my voice, my mother seemed to think I had answered her call. As she was obviously wondering why I wasn't responding to what she was saying, she hung up and phoned again.
Another message was left that made absolutely no sense to both myself and my son. My mother thought she had worked out what the problem was. Apparently, the 'thingy' on her coffee table had been flashing with a message. I am guessing the 'thingy' had been her mobile phone, and it concerned me that she had clearly forgotten what it was called. My mother then proceeds to talk about her current energy provider(Octopus), which had taken over her former energy provider and caused some issues, and concludes by saying, "This probably explains why things are looking different on the TV now."
I am seriously struggling to understand what the heck my mother's energy provider has got to do with the appearance of Virgin Media services on her TV. More importantly, why my mother seemed to think the two things were closely linked.
Not for the first time, my son and I have been discussing the possibility of the 'D' word (dementia).
I hope this makes up for my previously useless post..
https://www.dementia.co.uk/dementia-tests/do-at-home-dementia-test
When eventually I face the clock test, I hope I'll both remember and be able to sketch a small carriage clock..
Sparkly,
I hope you can summon the necessary fortitude and grace to start making this journey (that many of us have faced) in which you become the parent to a large extent whilst the mental acuity and reasoning of the parent regresses back through the years in reverse. It can be quite an emotionally "hot" journey!
Summoning patience and understanding can be challenging....we have to grieve the fact that we can't expect "mum" to look after us as she once did.....whilst simultaneously needing to accommodate an ever increasingly burdensome time/emotional commitment to REALLY start taking care of them = scrambling your life. It's a triple whammy.
A good visualisation that helped me to understand (and accept) is as follows;
You are currently cruising along in your comfortable car, having driven it for many years. Seat is in the perfect position, climate control settings are perfect, music set to perfect volume etc. and you are heading to your home to visit your parents for a lovely home cooked meal with your parents. The world is good.
You notice a car in the far distance.....it appears to have it's reverse lights on and is gently swerving across the lanes. You mutter to yourself and start feeling a little anxious, turn your music down and slow down just a smidgen.
As your car gets closer to the reversing car, you are feeling scared.....it's moving fast than you had thought.... you turn your music off, you wind down your window and start waving madly at the reversing car to alert them of the danger they are posing to themselves and to you, whilst swearing loudly at them.
You are now swerving your car trying to counter-match their swerves.. ..totally stressed out... ..can't believe this other driver is being so mad and dangerous... ..you're blasting your horn... flashing your lights...screaming at them.
As you finally pass alongside the car, you see that it's your mum and realise that she is oblivious to you and she's having her own "moment" and journey.
What do you do now! Your journey is ruined (for a wee while) and you start worrying about all the other cars behind you.....and your mum...and what about that meal...is the oven on...is the front door open etc
What should you do now?!
Stop your car, get out and run back? Turn your car around to follow them? Call the police? Cry? Try reversing your car to follow them? It's uncomfortable.....and in reality, you will not be able to help control that other car.... it will go wherever it is going.
Sorry if that's a bit of a "downer" for a Saturday morning. Sorry if this does not apply to your circumstances. Sorry if I've missed the mark.
I know you're a good egg. You'll figure this sheet out. Don't waste too much energy and anger trying to "alert" the other car. Find a layby and have a fish paste a cucumber sandwich. Exercise some mindfulness.
Wishing you all my very best....and in this instance, I can even summon a very big firm hug for you (subject to your requisite certified consent.)
Number.
For what it's worth, I hadn't considered your first response to be useless, as in my initial post I had made no mention of the possibility of dementia. It was no less appreciated.
Thank you for the link. My son and I are due to be visiting my mother later, so I am currently trying to think of a discreet way to 'assess' her. However, as there's a history of dementia on her side of the family, I reckon she will suss what is going on within seconds.