Published on 12, July, 2020
I have been able to jeep it under wraps but I cant anymore.
I dont really know.if it is anxiety but I have started to get anxious and stressed and I get paranoid that I have done something wrong or left.something on. This has been going on for as long as I can remember.
It usually goes like this
Worry about leaving something on, try and be logical, retrace steps,.panic amd then get consumed with stress.
I have been able to control it until a month or so ago when I almost ran and left work to check that I hadn't left the iron on eventhough I knew that it was not on I was.just so stressed and the thought of burning something and disappointing my mum was too much. Luckily I had a great manager and supervisor there who helped me.walk through it.
But I am worried it will.happen again
I can relate to this- sadly i have no solution yet but you are not alone. I burn myself out very badly with this constant anxiety and worrying- it is so exhausting but so hard to stop.
Grandparents are good for this! My mother is undiagnosed ADHD, so that complicated things...
I'm the opposite.
All my life, I heard nothing but 'take your time' and 'you' Re not in a hurry'. I had online commitments scuppered because gran demanded to go to Town. She pushed all my pressure points. There were times I was cheeky to her, but that was caused by frustration.
I used to be like this when I was much younger. Growing up in this society, there is too much happening and often expecting us to do too much and too quickly. I had to first learn to say: Don't rush me.
I would say it to myself out loud, "Don't Rush, Juniper". 3rd person - out loud and it is SO useful.
I started to walk myself through a process by giving myself directions out loud. It helped: Do one thing at a time. Finish the task, then move on. Sometimes I had to remind myself - out loud: You're doing the dishes right now. Finish these first.
At some point, I began to recall how my grandmother would be Very strict about us not bothering her while in the kitchen but also very specific she would tend to our needs when done. And she always followed through.
Then I wrote out important reminders, taped to the door and just made a check list of rounds before leaving the house. I learned to do it even if running late as doing things the right way will always be better than the fast way. I am 100% hyper vigilant. No apologies. And it's helped. I have keys on a lanyard holder which go in the exact place when I come home. The only thing which I don't win at is leaving the keys outside the door on occasion. So I moved to a flat in a larger building with a secure building door. I have so many little specific ways of being in place over the years that have helped, even pre-planning what I'm wearing tomorrow, and these disciplines become habit. And if they don't I make accommodations so I don't have to worry as much.
Appliances weren't always a part of our human systems. I'd suggest the electric kettle has been one of the best inventions for all of us.
I'm a great starter, but a hopeless finisher. The anxiety kicks in approaching the final hour of things.