Masking

Masking was the hardest concept for me to bend my head around and still is.  As I understand it, it can be either deliberate or unconsciously learned behaviour to fit in.  To some extent NTs mask to, but for us it can hide the autism.

Examples of a deliberate one would be stopping yourself from stimming because other people think it odd or learning the football scores to be able to conduct footie small talk even though you have no real interest in football.  They are survival strategies to get by and not get picked on or singled out as odd.

Unconscious ones are harder to catch ourselves out at because we aren't aware of them even if they are taking us a lot of mental effort to sustain.  

The extra strain and drain of masking all day everyday can wear you out socially and lead to burn out.  The healthier approach is to just be ourselves, but we risk social rejection for doing that.

I certainly realise that I have a lot of strategies to help me navigate an NT world on NT terms.  I see this as like learning another language.  In an ideal world for me, the NT world would also be trying to learn mine, such that we can meet in the middle; working at it, although more effortful, to get the communication across, but exercising tolerance of things that to the other is odd.

The trouble I have is in defining where my willingness and deployment of a strategy to accommodate NTs in order to communicate with them stops and masking starts.  I want to cater to them as an audience and encourage them to cater to me, but I don't want to be them or like them or emulate them at all.  That's too draining.

Masking was the hardest concept for me to bend my head around and still is.  As I understand it, it can be either deliberate or unconsciously learned behaviour to fit in.  To some extent NTs mask to, but for us it can hide the autism.

Examples of a deliberate one would be stopping yourself from stimming because other people think it odd or learning the football scores to be able to conduct footie small talk even though you have no real interest in football.  They are survival strategies to get by and not get picked on or singled out as odd.

Unconscious ones are harder to catch ourselves out at because we aren't aware of them even if they are taking us a lot of mental effort to sustain.  

The extra strain and drain of masking all day everyday can wear you out socially and lead to burn out.  The healthier approach is to just be ourselves, but we risk social rejection for doing that.

I certainly realise that I have a lot of strategies to help me navigate an NT world on NT terms.  I see this as like learning another language.  In an ideal world for me, the NT world would also be trying to learn mine, such that we can meet in the middle; working at it, although more effortful, to get the communication across, but exercising tolerance of things that to the other is odd.

The trouble I have is in defining where my willingness and deployment of a strategy to accommodate NTs in order to communicate with them stops and masking starts.  I want to cater to them as an audience and encourage them to cater to me, but I don't want to be them or like them or emulate them at all.  That's too draining.

Dawn said:

In an ideal world for me, the NT world would also be trying to learn mine, such that we can meet in the middle; working at it, although more effortful, to get the communication across, but exercising tolerance of things that to the other is odd

Can I live in this world too please Dawn?

I have hope that increasing awareness of neuro diversity is leading in this direction. I wish I knew how to help hurry it along