My World Is Falling Apart

Pikl,

I see you.  

The positives of your post:

A wonderful friend of mine suggested posting here in the hopes that I can find some advice. 

You see wonder in your friend which means you can see good things even in this harsh time.

My thoughts are running so fast that I'm struggling to start. I'm struggling with everything right now, to the point living is just too overwhelming. I'm failing in my home life and failing in my work life. It feels too impossible to get through it, though I know there must be a way through, I'm just not able too see it. 

You recognise you are struggling and that your thoughts are racing and overwhelming so your trying to reach out here to help you.  This shows you care enough about you and are seeking a way through because you know you have gotten there before and this will pass no matter how painful.

I'm currently on the waiting list for talk therapy, for the 3rd time, this time to ascertain whether or not the pins and needles in my mouth and side of my face is due to anxiety. I can't talk to a GP anymore, I don't want medication it makes me feel really unwell. I don't want to be sent contact details of Samaritans, or any other groups, again. That's not helpful. I really don't like asking for help, I've been conditioned to believe that's wrong. And I'm falling down a black hole and can't see a way out.

I understand all of this.  I am the same in terms of not finding prescribed meds helpful or GPs because they are limited in what they can offer.  I know how scared you are for this to be happening again after trying talk therapy three times.  Keep trying things to get you through each day until eventually things start to feel less painful and scary.  You'll find that there are degrees of sadness that you can deal with as you are here.  I know that everything changes which's what keeps me trying.  I am going through a particularly scary funk but I owe it to myself and the people who know me to keep trying for a little longer to see what changes.

I've lost myself, not that I've ever really understood myself. I'm only eating once a day, a small meal, and I think it's my way of gaining some sense of control. 

I get what you mean about food.  Try to make sure it's a big meal so you are showing love to yourself through food.  I'm very controlling with my food too when everything else seems to be falling apart.  I get that feeling.  It's important though to recognise that restriction can worsen the tingling pins and needles (lack of certain vitamins) and energy to do stuff, this in turn leads to feeling worse and so the cycle continues.  I appreciate you post because now I realise what I can change to see if it makes a difference to me.  Eat more, get out in nature.  

I don't know what to do anymore. 

Keep posting here so you know you are not alone in your darkness.  I have a torch of kindness for you because you don't have it yourself right now.

I apologise for the very long and pointless post.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate your kindness.

I'm sorry you're going through a scary time. And you're right, its about taking one day at a time. 

I wanted to say something comforting, instead I've just been staring at the screen. Trouble sleeping has stopped brain working.

Thank you again.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate your kindness.

I'm sorry you're going through a scary time. And you're right, its about taking one day at a time. 

I wanted to say something comforting, instead I've just been staring at the screen. Trouble sleeping has stopped brain working.

Thank you again.