My World Is Falling Apart

I seem to see faces well enough, but not apply any processing power to them.

I cannot visualise a person face. When I think of a person it seems I store them as a bunch of attributes and concepts and personality etc, but no real face.

When I read a book, I get to know the characters but never see them. I find the descriptive stuff worthy of skipping over after a while of it not working for me.

I Sperg said:

Deepthought said:

‘Prosopagnosia’

I have that!! Didn't realise it until I saw it in black and white, but suddenly it came clear..

Certain quizzical memories suddenly snapped into focus... 

I do love that fact that all those nasty little mysteries that have dogged me for a half century now get explained at last, post diagnosis.

Oh my whole physical life yes ~ that is so very much the case! Once diagnostically confirmed ~ the fields of research narrow and the broadness of other people’s research and findings intersect in just the most pertinent ways, which for me last month involved ‘schizophasia’ (disorganised wording or word salad) which as you and others may or may not recall ~ I explained in terms of symbolic representation involving my avatar and background images on the ‘Forum creative space' thread.

Do you get complete face-blur like a friend of mine, or are the facial sectors (eyes, nose, mouth etcetera) more segregated and disjointed in fragmented sense ~ which I get with images until they integrally come into focus?

I Sperg said:

Deepthought said:

‘Prosopagnosia’

I have that!! Didn't realise it until I saw it in black and white, but suddenly it came clear..

Certain quizzical memories suddenly snapped into focus... 

I do love that fact that all those nasty little mysteries that have dogged me for a half century now get explained at last, post diagnosis.

Oh my whole physical life yes ~ that is so very much the case! Once diagnostically confirmed ~ the fields of research narrow and the broadness of other people’s research and findings intersect in just the most pertinent ways, which for me last month involved ‘schizophasia’ (disorganised wording) which as you and others may or may not recall I explained in terms of symbolic representation involving my avatar and background image on the ‘Forum creative space’ thread.

Do you have the complete face-blur variety of Prosopagnosia like a friend of mine, or are the facial sectors (eyes, nose, mouth etcetera) more segregated and disjointed in the fragmented sense ~ which I get with images until they integrally come into focus?

I love the concept of synchronised mess unmaking, and disorganised heap escapology. That made me smile. 

I need to do something, and soon. I'm not sure how much more of my mess I can take anymore. 

Pikl said:

Thank you so much, as always Deepthought. Your help and guidance is truly appreciated. I'm a bit of a mess at the moment and I'm grateful to you for helping me pick up the pieces. 

Well as far getting in to and out of messes, and having to pick up pieces to do so, I think are we all quite experienced at that to one extent or also the other, and getting to share in our expertise is quite reassuring either way ~ and could perhaps lead to new pass times like synchronised mess unmaking, disorganised heap escapology and midden avoidance theory etcetera. >(Grinning Emoji)<

You always make me smile Number, thank you as always. Enjoy your day and hopefully catch you again soon.

Hey - you've earned your stripes in this place.  I've seen you be there for many.....I just want to offer a supportive shoulder to you when you need it too.   Being a "right mess" is a proper ball-ache (you know what I mean!) - but we are both also old enough to remember that it does pass - the sun will come out again soon enough.

My last attempt to make you smile before I run off and do important stuff in the real world.......

Thank you so much for understanding. I'm a right mess at the moment, and you and everyone on the forum are very patient, and I'm most grateful.

I have noticed that you do apologise a lot, but I can never understand why you are apologising.  You definitely had ABSOLUTELY no cause to apologise for the above?!  Please do not respond to this by apologising for apologising......circularity drives me around the bend! [see what I did there?!]

I can't, nor wish to, ignore you.  I'm not sure I can necessarily be of any material help to you either....but I do want you to know that your inexplicable woes are not unique.  They might be dreadful, but others in these pages do understand.  I am one of those.

I'm sorry Number.

Although age wise I'm definitely an adult, I'm in actual fact a very confused child that is too eager to share ideas as they come to me. I think in my own little weird way I'm asking for help without actually trying to ask for it. Again, just ignore me, I don't even know what I'm trying to do anymore 

Maybe 6-8 weeks ago, I would have had an opinion on the wisdom or otherwise / gatekeeper requirement.........but now...honestly, no clue.

I enjoyed a virtually utopian "run" in this place for 4-5 months where I thought this might be an island of "dog-like" souls but now I know this not to be the case.

Many of the profound questions, struggles and challenges that I, personally, would like to discuss openly here are necessarily restricted to the back rooms these days - it makes me a little sad - but not as sad as I would be without the back rooms!!!!  There are some brilliant, interesting, measured, helpful and supportive people who inhabit these pages and I would not ever wish to be without that.

I am resigned to needing to block the nonsense when it arises - I've done that for 50+ years in the real world, so no biggie to extend that masking wisdom to these pages I suppose.......but still renders me a little sad.

Yeah, I agree.

I was thinking, would starting a thread where people can mention their struggles, in one place be a good idea? Or would it need someone to kinda be in charge of it in a way. If that makes sense.

I seem to understand them and they seem to understand me - we definitely don't always agree on things, and we don't always like each other nor necessarily get along......but the fact that we DEFINITELY give each other respect and time to get a respectful understanding of each other, seems to result in a mutually sustaining relationship.  I wish more humans could be "more dog" !

Thank you Number. I love dogs. 

My private diagnosis was done at the psychiatrists home due to covid and was done over zoom. He asked if I liked dogs and called his dog to jump up and put his front paws on the desk with the laptop. It was like a had a therapy dog with me.

And if you can, please try to put yourself into this state of mind.......

NOW you're talking my language sister !

Words aren't ever the best way to convey myself to others.........so I have made a special effort this morning and found the appropriate way to communicate my feelings towards you this fine sunny morning (and thank f*ck it isn't through the medium of modern dance!)

I'm starting to accept that perhaps talking isn't a bad thing, even though it does feel that way. Years of being secretive isn't so easily changed.

Keep in touch with us all Pikl - doesn't have to be a War and Peace - just a 'something'.  The human body is very resilient I have found (on multiple occasions, the hard way) but the human mind is a delicate beast.  Being open is something I don't enjoy either....but it can be a necessary evil at times.

That does sound very familiar. 

My monkey see monkey do moment last night means I have a dressing on my arm. And currently fighting the start of a panic attack that being so open causes. Going to be an interesting weekend.

Never under-estimate the power of a shared lived experience.  That makes sense to me....a lot.....even if it is entirely other to your experience (ok, so that defo makes no sense at all.)

My "monkey see, monkey do" state is one where I am functional if I am suitably prompted.  If my arm chair is slightly on fire, I won't do anything about it until it starts to hurt.....but if I see someone drop their shopping outside, I will leap up and run to help....be really helpful, sociable and reassuring....but then return to my burning armchair.

Sound familiar?