Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone.
A wonderful friend of mine suggested posting here in the hopes that I can find some advice.
My thoughts are running so fast that I'm struggling to start. I'm struggling with everything right now, to the point living is just too overwhelming. I'm failing in my home life and failing in my work life. It feels too impossible to get through it, though I know there must be a way through, I'm just not able too see it.
I'm currently on the waiting list for talk therapy, for the 3rd time, this time to ascertain whether or not the pins and needles in my mouth and side of my face is due to anxiety. I can't talk to a GP anymore, I don't want medication it makes me feel really unwell. I don't want to be sent contact details of Samaritans, or any other groups, again. That's not helpful. I really don't like asking for help, I've been conditioned to believe that's wrong. And I'm falling down a black hole and can't see a way out.
I've lost myself, not that I've ever really understood myself. I'm only eating once a day, a small meal, and I think it's my way of gaining some sense of control.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I apologise for the very long and pointless post.
Hi Piki, nothing youve said is pointless. Its so amazing that you reached out like this and honestly I think and hope you are in the right place. Being on here literally saved my life
You mention failing in work life and home life. I dont know what to say about whatever is going on at home but as far as work goes, work is not the be all and end all for us. As a very wise woman once told me "These things are not always meant for people like us" If you cant do your current job then that is not your fault. Most jobs are designed for Neurotypical people and so there is no shame in us not being able to do them
Pikl said:It feels too impossible to get through it, though I know there must be a way through, I'm just not able too see it.
I felt like this recently. Its like there is no way out from the nightmare. It does pass though, it might feel like it right now at all but it does pass honestly. Ive been down that black hole and I can promise you it is not permenent
They dont have Talking Therapies in my area so not sure if they any good but my GP passed me on to Healthy Minds which was pretty useless as they forced me into CBT which is not really designed for autistic people
Just spend some time here among people who understand
Take each day at a time and dont try and think beyond it. Be as kind to yourself as possible and just know you are doing so much better than you think you are. It is your brain that is tricking you into thinking this is your fault
Thank you so much BillyC87.
Everyone here has been so kind, and going through so much themselves, yourself included.
I've tried CBT, it really didn't help at all, I'm not even sure how it's supposed to work.
You're right, being here is helping so much. Just feeling that I'm not alone, and having somewhere I can feel that I belong. I'm ignored at work by most, laughed at also, and I'm working so hard to be like everyone else and also to be professional.
I will definitely listen to your advice, and try my best to act upon it.
Thank you so much for your help.
Anytime, and Im always here as a friend if you need to talk, we all are . Im sorry to hear your ignored and laughed at at work, I know what thats like, its not easy. Just know that they are in the wrong not you. People make fun of anything they dont understand and the reality is they are too stupid to understand us so thats why they exclude us and make fun of us
Ive always thought us autistic people are like Humans 2.0, we are an upgrade on the exisiting species and thats why they dont understand us. Not sure if that makes sense but it helps me when I get rejected by people
Pikl said:I'm working so hard to be like everyone else
Please dont, you sound truly amazing the way you are :-)
Aw Im so glad! That really made me feel warm inside and made me smile