Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed last year as autistic, I've got a 6 year old son who I love more than anything else in the world but I feel like I'm failing him. My confidence and self esteem is in absolute bits, I overthink everything, am really anxious and question myself about everything.
I hate that there is no rule book for being a mum, I struggle with chatting to other mums in the playground everyone else makes it look so easy and I feel like I'm an outsider.
I'm scared my son will grow up and think I was an awful mum, I try so hard to be patient and kind but sometimes when he doesn't listen I feel so frustrated and it makes me feel like a bad person.
Has anyone felt this way? I feel like my ability to communicate with people has shrunk so much since the pandemic, and it makes me feel like I don't know who I am anymore like I'm having an identity crisis but don't know how to get out of it.
I understand how you feel. I'm a mum of two girls (6 and 10), and although I love them to bits, I really struggle at times. The constant chatter and "Mum, Mum, Mum!" can send me over the edge, plus the sibling arguments, and the school runs etc. I have never felt able to take them to parties when they are invited, and just speaking with other parents and arranging play dates etc. can be too much. Sometimes I scream at my children even though I know it's not their fault - I just can't cope, it's like overload. I know it's difficult, but I would say try not to be too hard on yourself. I'm sure your son knows you love him and will grow up to understand why you sometimes struggled. That's what I try to tell myself anyway.
Thank you so much for your reply el. It's really hard sometimes isn't it. I started CBT counselling this morning which I'm hoping will help. I have done it in the past before but now I know I'm autistic in hoping it will have more impact.
I just worry so much. And it makes me snappy and irritable and every day I wake up saying I'm going to be the kind patient fun mum and every day I end up getting annoyed about something.
silverbolt said:And it makes me snappy and irritable and every day I wake up saying I'm going to be the kind patient fun mum and every day I end up getting annoyed about something.
This is exactly how I feel as a dad
You sound like an amazing mom, your heart is clearly in the right place and you so obviously love and care for your boy. I beleive if your heart is in the right place and you have love everything else will work out eventually
I really relate to the socialising with other parents thing, it is a nightmare for me. My wife takes our boy to babygroup and Im like sitting there chatting to the other parents would be my nightmare. Im supposed to go to a baby shower her friend is organising in a couple of weeks and im dreading it
Your right though, you need to be more kind to yourself. Speaking from experience though its not easy