Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed last year as autistic, I've got a 6 year old son who I love more than anything else in the world but I feel like I'm failing him. My confidence and self esteem is in absolute bits, I overthink everything, am really anxious and question myself about everything.
I hate that there is no rule book for being a mum, I struggle with chatting to other mums in the playground everyone else makes it look so easy and I feel like I'm an outsider.
I'm scared my son will grow up and think I was an awful mum, I try so hard to be patient and kind but sometimes when he doesn't listen I feel so frustrated and it makes me feel like a bad person.
Has anyone felt this way? I feel like my ability to communicate with people has shrunk so much since the pandemic, and it makes me feel like I don't know who I am anymore like I'm having an identity crisis but don't know how to get out of it.
I understand how you feel. I'm a mum of two girls (6 and 10), and although I love them to bits, I really struggle at times. The constant chatter and "Mum, Mum, Mum!" can send me over the edge, plus the sibling arguments, and the school runs etc. I have never felt able to take them to parties when they are invited, and just speaking with other parents and arranging play dates etc. can be too much. Sometimes I scream at my children even though I know it's not their fault - I just can't cope, it's like overload. I know it's difficult, but I would say try not to be too hard on yourself. I'm sure your son knows you love him and will grow up to understand why you sometimes struggled. That's what I try to tell myself anyway.
I feel the same. When I'm really burned out and having a sensory overload and my little boy just puts his face in mine and shouts "play daddy, play daddy, play daddy" I just cant cope