Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm worried about my autism and general mental health.
Since my sister died in 2016 I haven't really felt like myself. My autism and anxiety have been on a constant rollercoaster going up and down all the time. This brings physical problems like bad pain and tiredness that's getting overwhelming and hard to live with. My biggest problem is my thoughts and voices I hear. I hear voices though I put them down as imaginary friends though some aren't friendly and can be really cruel about me and other people. They can trigger my thoughts to darken. I mask every day to hide all this but it's burning me out. I'm very tired and I'm struggling to not do what voices say and what I think. Another thing I've noticed is that I feel like there's someone else living alongside me and sometimes she does sort of take control when she feels I can't cope or am doing things wrong but she's not as nice and can also be mean and does different things which leads to awkward questions which I can't really answer.
I find all this confusing and I'm not sure what to do about it. It's not the sort of thing I can really talk to anybody I know about and from experience I don't think doctors and professional will be helpful they don't understand autism and what it's like on the spectrum at all.
It's worrying me. I'm tired all the time and anxious all the time. I feel like I'm at breaking point it's crippling me.
I'm hoping someone here has had this and can give me some advice.
Loss and grief can affect people greatly, and severe anxiety can also, so best thing is to see your GP and discuss these things alone as they know how to help with these. Medication can help you manage thoughts and disturbances, and counselling and therapy can help, but also other things on offer these days. That's my main advice, but also try and work thinking better about things and yourself, choose not to suffer from anxiety and choose to be at peace instead. Autistic people can struggle to manage thoughts, and also feelings, and things can get really bad, but thinking more healthily will reduce your anxiety and then disturbances might reduce, and if they don't then something to live with with as many do, nothing to feel bad about. Best thing is to try not to engage with the voices, choose to do other things, and also try to switch around how you feel about them, see them as something funny, give them names that weaken them.
It is difficult to get help and support with respect to how your autism affects you, but explore all the sources of support in your area or further way, like support groups or autistic charities, and reach out to other autistic people here and other places like social media because that can help not just in terms of advice/support but also accepting yourself and moving to a better place.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds a frightening time. I've not heard voices but I know with things like that you need to remember and tell yourself that they aren't real and they are just voices, they can't hurt you, they can't make you do anything you don't want to do. Remember that YOU are in control. You are stronger than you know and you'll get through this of course you will. But I do think you need to speak to someone professional regarding this as it sounds more than autism. I get what you mean about medical professionals not understanding autism I've had that before so what you can do is write down how you feel and explain about your autism and how it effects you. That way they will understand what it's like for you and they can then work with this to make sure you're comfortable.
I did this a few years back and it helps.
Good luck I hope you can get the help you need.