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Struggling with asd and mental health

eve
over 1 year ago

I am struggling so much with my asd and my mental health. Together they are unbearable. One plays against the other and I'm caught in the middle of the storm. That's what it feels like just being constantly thrown around in this blizzard of darkness. 

I've been struggling for 6 long tiring years but kept going because I thought it would get better. But in reality it's got worse. Things are horrible in my life now. My mum is sick now. My dad has his own mental problems and I'm feeling like I am at the end. I can't do this much longer. My life is just an endless dark place where I keep getting kicked down over and over. No one should have to live life like that should they. 

I'm constantly masking, putting on a brave face being the strong Eve that everyone in my life knows and loves but it's breaking me. I am crushed. Hurting. I cry all the time, my emotions all over the place. I get bursts of rage. I just freeze and can't move just lay there. And I burn out and then sleep for hours and hours. No energy.

A part of me just wants this to end now. I can't go on like this. I'm not eating. I'm hardly drinking enough. I can't process what's happening in my life. I can't figure out how to make it stop hurting. My parents are always there for me, always know what to do. Now it's my turn to be there for them and I'm such a loser I can't do it.

  • over 1 year ago

    Hello @eve 

    I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time, it’s good that you’ve let us know what’s happening/how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.  

     If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support. 

      If it’s outside your GP hours call  111 to reach the NHS 111 service: 

    https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/ 

     

    The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org. 

     

    MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.  

     

    If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support. 

     

    You can find more information here: 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/suicide 

    All the best,

    ChloeMod

  • over 1 year ago in reply to eve

    thats ok. i think im autistic, i mean, im still undiagnosed, but people not getting you,, yeah, story of my life i suppose, well and me not getting them either.

    and blundering away, cocking things up when it comes to socialisation.

    i hope you feel even a tiny bit better after waking up, but, its just a "takes time" thing i suppose.

    just take care and look after yourself as well as you can ok?

  • over 1 year ago in reply to deadsponge

    Hi thanks for your kindness here. It was good of you to take time out to write to me.

    deadsponge said:
    and its bloody hard, its complex, its confusing, its lots of things

    That sums it all up well. You understand because like me your autistic. The people I've dealt with in the past just don't get it. They don't get me. 

    Thanks for caring love.

    Eve x

  • over 1 year ago

    i will say, i relate to the feeling if not the specific experience.

    and it sounds like, your being very hard on yourself

    and feeling crap about feeling crap and a kind of guilt which that brings.

    i cant say and i won't say: "oh everything will be ok" 

    and i also wont say "i know exactly how you feel"

    but, everything feels like a struggle, and yeah, it is a struggle, just goes along with both asd and mental illness

    and a lot of things would be easy for me to say, and id be a hypocrite for saying any of it

    but, without knowing your mental health diagnosis, just, try to just "hang in there" ok? your not failing anyone, your going through a lot yourself aren't you, and its bloody hard, its complex, its confusing, its lots of things

    but, i dunno why, but, i just do,im like that for some reason, but, reading what you wrote, i do care, even though ive no idea who on earth you are, so im sure others do too, and just, i dunno, "be strong" i guess

  • over 1 year ago

    hello eve, i will edit this if i think of something more useful to say,

    but, i wanted to just say something soon as, because, i know that, the wait for a reply of any sort, can, well, make things that little bit harder,

    but, im going to re read for a while, and, see if i have anything useful to offer ok?