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Struggling with asd and mental health

eve
over 1 year ago

I am struggling so much with my asd and my mental health. Together they are unbearable. One plays against the other and I'm caught in the middle of the storm. That's what it feels like just being constantly thrown around in this blizzard of darkness. 

I've been struggling for 6 long tiring years but kept going because I thought it would get better. But in reality it's got worse. Things are horrible in my life now. My mum is sick now. My dad has his own mental problems and I'm feeling like I am at the end. I can't do this much longer. My life is just an endless dark place where I keep getting kicked down over and over. No one should have to live life like that should they. 

I'm constantly masking, putting on a brave face being the strong Eve that everyone in my life knows and loves but it's breaking me. I am crushed. Hurting. I cry all the time, my emotions all over the place. I get bursts of rage. I just freeze and can't move just lay there. And I burn out and then sleep for hours and hours. No energy.

A part of me just wants this to end now. I can't go on like this. I'm not eating. I'm hardly drinking enough. I can't process what's happening in my life. I can't figure out how to make it stop hurting. My parents are always there for me, always know what to do. Now it's my turn to be there for them and I'm such a loser I can't do it.

Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    i will say, i relate to the feeling if not the specific experience.

    and it sounds like, your being very hard on yourself

    and feeling crap about feeling crap and a kind of guilt which that brings.

    i cant say and i won't say: "oh everything will be ok" 

    and i also wont say "i know exactly how you feel"

    but, everything feels like a struggle, and yeah, it is a struggle, just goes along with both asd and mental illness

    and a lot of things would be easy for me to say, and id be a hypocrite for saying any of it

    but, without knowing your mental health diagnosis, just, try to just "hang in there" ok? your not failing anyone, your going through a lot yourself aren't you, and its bloody hard, its complex, its confusing, its lots of things

    but, i dunno why, but, i just do,im like that for some reason, but, reading what you wrote, i do care, even though ive no idea who on earth you are, so im sure others do too, and just, i dunno, "be strong" i guess

Reply
  • over 1 year ago

    i will say, i relate to the feeling if not the specific experience.

    and it sounds like, your being very hard on yourself

    and feeling crap about feeling crap and a kind of guilt which that brings.

    i cant say and i won't say: "oh everything will be ok" 

    and i also wont say "i know exactly how you feel"

    but, everything feels like a struggle, and yeah, it is a struggle, just goes along with both asd and mental illness

    and a lot of things would be easy for me to say, and id be a hypocrite for saying any of it

    but, without knowing your mental health diagnosis, just, try to just "hang in there" ok? your not failing anyone, your going through a lot yourself aren't you, and its bloody hard, its complex, its confusing, its lots of things

    but, i dunno why, but, i just do,im like that for some reason, but, reading what you wrote, i do care, even though ive no idea who on earth you are, so im sure others do too, and just, i dunno, "be strong" i guess

Children
  • over 1 year ago in reply to deadsponge

    Hi thanks for your kindness here. It was good of you to take time out to write to me.

    deadsponge said:
    and its bloody hard, its complex, its confusing, its lots of things

    That sums it all up well. You understand because like me your autistic. The people I've dealt with in the past just don't get it. They don't get me. 

    Thanks for caring love.

    Eve x