I am 39 years old. Little education no real work experience and married with child. Ive always been looked after and am scared all the time. Been told i dont have to work but feel so guilty ... ive barely ever lived and when people tell me to be happy i cant. Im beyond useless
Totally agree with what you’ve written here RC78. Well said.
I found something you could find useful neurodivergentrebel.com/.../
I haven't read the replies yet so I'm sorry if I happen to say something that someone has already said, but I wanted to comment what I feel on this...
Personally I've been in and out of jobs since I left school. I've had bad jobs, good jobs, jobs that I didn't even expect to get with my background etc and I've had long spells without jobs too. I'm almost 44.
Now I'm a very spiritual person anyway, have always felt it since childhood and these last couple of years when the lockdowns hit and lots got really heavy and hard to deal with, I delved in more.
One thing that I feel I have always kinda known but am still learning to deconstruct years of programming from in my brain, is that we are not the things we do for work. Status, jobs, financial success and all of those things are just a false worth that society has created over time and things like the media and the system keep pushing in order to make us want things, compete against each other and be a slave to the system.
Now I'm not saying don't work because I also still would love to find something that I believe in and I feel is a purpose which speaks to me. Something which I feel makes a difference in the world. All my years of struggles aside from what I now know has been ASC combined with other things has been down to never figuring out what I really want to do. So I've had many jobs that were just because "it's what people do" or to pay the bills or to try to fit in with other people yet again and I always find I manage so long then struggle hard and come off with ill health or leave for some reason. I really want to find something that I genuinely enjoy and feel some sort of passion for, because with all this I simply cannot manage forcing myself to work in something that I have no passion for and don't believe in at all just to scrape by.
My overall point though is even though sometimes I still struggle myself and feel like I should be doing better by this age and sometimes I fall into the trap of looking at what others have done in their lives etc, I know deep down that my worth is NOT defined by a job or career and neither should yours be.
We aren't only here to work. The miracle of life itself was not designed just so you can jump on a treadmill all your life and what you did for work defines whether you were a good person or not. There's many people with great jobs who are horrible people (obviously not all but just making that point too.)
You may feel you know this and I'm going down the wrong track. But overall I just wanted to remind you that there's many things we do in life (and lots of little interactions we have with people which are massively important that we don't even realise) that are much more important and worthwhile than just doing a job.
You are not useless. And you're raising a child too. There are parents out there working all hours trying to make money or making too much money because their priorities are all wrong and the child never sees the parents. Being there for a child is way more important than doing a job and will feel more worthwhile in future if you can let yourself feel it and try not to judge yourself. You're also no doubt doing your best with what life has given you and you shouldn't brush that under the carpet because your mind tells you that you're failing. It's not true. I bet when your child grows up it will mean the world to them you were there rather than never having time to have a relationship with them.
I hope this doesn't come off wrong or anything, but that's how I feel. Believe me I still understand and sometimes have to battle my mind on my self worth too...but in my gut I know that's the truth. It's just society and people in power want us to completely define ourselves by what we do for work and it's simply bull.
"Yes. When so much around us is is pretty dreadful on a grand scale perhaps the only thing we truly have control over are the smaller positive actions we can take ourselves."
F'kn nailed it, Kate!
That's now how one should talk to a stranger of course, but it is exactly how I talk to my daughter (who shares your name) when she delights me with her understanding of how the world.really works.
Yes. When so much around us is is pretty dreadful on a grand scale perhaps the only thing we truly have control over are the smaller positive actions we can take ourselves.
Glad you like the name :)
Thank you for those kind words, Kate Kestrel (Always though that was a great name, BTW)
Sadly, it's not all good.
If my version of reality seemingly makes sense, than the logical question is WHY are things so sh17 these days?
And getting a coherent and credible answer to that question, leads one down the rabbit hole to some very dark facts and conspiracies indeed...
A more worthy question which has lead me towards some happiness I found is: "How can I make anything better, even in a small way, and even if it's not for me directly?"
This is a lovely reply I Sperg - what a brilliant perspective you put forward here. I agree with every word - thank you.
Rock Bottom is the best starting place.
Something has to give i took another overdose...my life is falling apart
Right click on their name works if they are open to P.M's Some of us are not.
Is there any way to pm someone here. I am not kidding when i say i barely look after myself...i avoid alot like the plague. I wouldnt even know where to start with work let alone people
When I was twelve and dozing though a history lesson at my new school the (stern, and slightly violent, by repute) history teacher suddenly started asking me questions directly. I thought he was asking me what he was talking about, (which I was slightly following) so I sparked up with "Perspective"; "Sir?" only to find out that A: He was actually asking me my name! (much to the amusement of everyone else), and B: I now had a new nickname.
I mention this because it may be that you "barely function at all" only when viewed through a "normie propagandised" lens. If I were to track you down stalker style (I won't, but I do like to throw in a controversial idea to wake the reader up oaccasionally though) and go ask your child whether you function well as a parent, I may get a different perspective on the matter.
I'm willing to bet a shiny ounce of silver, that if a deep dive were conducted into you and your life, we would find someone who functions very, very well indeed on some levels and awfully on others. (That does seem to be how Autism works generally!) You are young enough to still do stuff, and even young enough to spend a couple more years figuring out what it is you really want to do.
I've recently discovered that prioritising being kind to other people AND myself and factoring in a moral dimension to everything I do, has made me a happier person.
I never did and barely function at all
The main problem is Schools being turned into Warzones; as well as a dumbed-down curriculum. Children are conditioned to believe that being an Adult is a Prison Sentence. No wonder they grow up overdependent on Mammy!
This World, alas, shows no mercy. However, we have to create our own reality.
I dont know how to let it go cause it has always felt like i chose to not work
I always followed my wife. My default was doing nothinf but be on computer but do some things if asked. Now it feels like i got it all wrong ive never really been oit on my own. Life feels really alien to me and my mind is convincong me ive made it all up and had super control over things my wife payed bills. Cooked etc and i did little adulting and now im scared to death
