overthinking impact of my diagnosis

Yes, I assumed you were fairly new to the club! I was only diagnosed earlier this year too. Like you I had previous therapies. Some of which were necessary, most of which were around anxiety/depression.

However, what I have found now though is that because I have become more aware of my own triggers (shopping centres, busy coffee shops, traffic noise etc) I can put things I place to be able combat a lot of the anxiety. I don't believe therapy will ever get you there, you need to do it yourself. 

Take some time, take your time and just notice. "This morning I felt calmer, now I felt more anxious. What has changed?" For example. It might be walking along a busy road. So next time you are going to walk along a road where headphones and listen to music, and so on and so on....

Nearly two months ago. 

Oh! Not had a great experience with NHS “therapist” myself.

Out of interest how long ago were you diagnosed?

No, it NHS. I’ve got another session on Monday, see how it goes. 

You’re right about the small things that give joy. Out of curiosity, I’ve just downloaded The Artist’s Way, I’m going to start reading it today.

Sounds like duff information from the Therapist to me. Are they even qualified in ASD to understand it enough to be able to tell you it's not that. I guess there are people with ASD who don't have Anxiety and/or Depression, but I'm yet to come across one!

 The whole sensory overload itself is a massive anxiety trigger for people, so until you establish what those triggers are for you, you'll be chasing your tail going to a therapist who clearly doesn't believe in ASD. I stopped seeing mine when I was diagnosed, because the diagnosis itself made more sense, and I'm doing fine.

I hope you're not paying this person!

I wonder if you haven't been given too much nebulous neurotypical 'wisdom'. In my experience, it creates more confusion because the problem is never addressed, just still misfiring under a misdiagnosis and redirecting of energy (in this case, anxiety). 

I really believe - from what I've found, is the main difference between NT and AS is how the brian is wired to perceive and experience and communicate. From that, we don't use language the same, thus pragmatics are important rather than what something 'means'. And since we don't use language in the same ways, there exist errors in how others hear us. 

Do you over-think? Or do others not really put much thought into their reality because they don't have to. I started recognising that my brain wanted to process, wanted to calculate, wanted to think. So I put it to use. I found something incredibly interesting and will exhaust my thought-processing when I need to because I am hyper-analytical. The only rule I follow is to analyse things not people (my own way of recollecting not to be too judge-y). While I analyse groups or group-think or behaviours as a matter of safety or vigilance, I try to be mindful that over-thinking is a NT code which signals a feeling a being judged and tried as guilty because this is how they compete. 

To be honest, I really don't quite understand masking or faking a thing. Camouflage is useful at times. Pretending will get us through a moment. Call it acting. Call it improv. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be kind and also- feelings follow actions. So small bits of etiquette when I can remember make me happy. They seem to make the world a little bit nicer. And there's nothing wrong with that. But from what I've read, most NTs are not authentic and not interested in their authentic selves. 

How much time have you spent in a sort of self discovery? Have you tried working through The Artists Way? What small things make you happy? Have you taken time to explore things you like? I sometimes think if we spend a little time every day allowing our inner self (whether you feel 5 or 17 or ancient and reincarnated), give in! Do one thing that gives you joy. I bought clay yesterday and made halloween horns. And then just played with it for hours. I should've been working but work will always be there. No one else will steal time for you, this is a kind of selfishness that makes the world better because it grounds the self and then I feel I have something to give. 

Overthinking is a habit, It is the biggest cause of unhappiness in humans because a negative mind can never give us a positive life. Learning to take time to relax and quieten your mind will bring you peace and joy; and if you are able, gentle questioning of particularly stressful repetitive thoughts will allow you to give up the habit of overthinking.

Stop thinking, and end your problems. – Lao Tzu (ancient Chinese philosopher and writer, author of the Tao Te Ching)

When I was having cbt I tried to separate anxiety and AS. I was really careful to try not blame everything on AS. Its hard to do. But I think they're so intertwined it is difficult.  I'm trying less and less to find reasons for things these days. My CBT helped a lot but I had someone who was very understanding. It was more about learning to tolerate anxiety and uncertainty rather than change how my mind works. My report mentioned to try ACT or CAT therapies so maybe l9ok into those. 

Autism is not the issue, it's other people's perception of some of the behaviours and traits that is the issue.

I'm going through the same thing RE disclosure. I think it's a bad idea at work, I've heard of people receiving their P45, for ostensibly a different reason, about 4 weeks after telling their employer. Autism is a permanent thing with no cure, they may see a problem in that.

Socially it may be different. I'm starting to think that if things are going badly and have come to a stage of nothing to loose then it may be worth disclosing. I'm struggling with a few people at a Monday night pool league due to the difficulties my ASD causes me. Some people there seem to think I'm some kind of rude and weird Twat. Maybe I am, but they just don't understand that I have social anxiety and many significant autism traits.

I'm not deliberately being rude, i just cant deal with all the social niceties when a lot of people are around and lots of things happening, the only way i can deal is to reduce my focus so that i concentrate only on my match and opponent. Unfortunately this can come across as rudeness to other people. People don't like being slighted, which is how they perceive it. Hopefully I may develop strategies to improve things, otherwise I may risk a disclosure and see what happens.

I’ve been trying to come up with some analogy and I thought of different sexual orientation. It’s not a problem in itself but someone might develop low self esteem, anxiety and depression due to being bullied and/or ostracised because of their sexual orientation. So it’s not an issue but it is an issue.

I wasn’t born with anxiety but developed it due to not fitting in and being ostracised. And depression followed.

So maybe it comes down to self acceptance?

But then, I think, because I’m not exactly having tons of friends (so nothing to lose) I might as well be open about being autistic and f*** the rest.

Know my worth, nothing to hide.

Including at work because interactions with colleagues are not exactly going as smoothly as I would like them to and it makes me anxious.

But then, most people would say it’s a bad idea, that attitudes will change and I would give people one more reason to be nasty. 

But then I feel like I’m hiding myself in fear of being found out and labelled weird.

So autism is not an issue. But  then it is.

I would not forget that you were diagnosed as an autistic, as your autism will affect how you respond to therapy. Most therapies, especially talking therapies, are designed for neurotypicals with problems such as anxiety and depression. If your therapist is good and has a knowledge of autism, you should be able to work with them to ascertain what therapeutic methods are likely to be the most useful, given that you are autistic. I rather think that your therapist is misguided in trying to ignore your autism.

What school of therapist do you have?

I only ask, because recently completed a 16 week course of CBT for social anxiety. It didn't really work because it just concentrated on trying to treat the symptoms of anxiety without really getting to what was causing the anxiety - pretty sure it's ASD in my case, and it sounds likely in yours too.

I agree with you that in  this context I also believe that the diagnosis is important because it can explain everything. You cant ignore the diagnosis and focus on the anxiety and depression. That doesn't work, I have just tried it!! The ASD caused the anxiety and depression. Pretty poor empathy and lack of understanding / training from the therapist I would say. If this sounds like it might apply to you and your circumstances I would try and explain this to them, this kind of thing can improve understanding and the overall effectiveness of the client patient relationship.

In fact, I've had 3 separate courses of therapy during my life, and not one of them has ever picked up on the fact that I'm probably ASD. There were so many clues. I kept mentioning it to my latest one and kept getting brushed off. Until just before the last session when I had discovered a number of things that made me a lot more certain, and then finally she did listened and took it a lot more seriously. There seems to be a shocking lack of understanding and awareness of Autism even amongst good, trained, professional counsellors and therapists. Which all 3 were, apart from this. I find this very disappointing. I could have got to where I am so much earlier If there was greater awareness amongst these people.

I've not had my diagnosis yet, but I believe that getting one will certainly help with understanding the causes of difficulties a lot more readily.  For instance it seems that already I'm not loosing control of my moods anything like I used to, and recovering far quicker now. If it's just due to something like a routine being disrupted. Because all of that makes sense now and so I can get over these sort of things so much more quickly, and relegate them to minor and trivial incidents much more of the time.

The anxiety though is not so simple unfortunately. I watch a lot of Autism You Tube videos, and one of the themes on a recent one was kind of "you're not a rude jerk, although people will think you are". I think it's going to be all about being able to get more comfortable with, or at least understand and accept this dynamic a bit more, that may help with social anxiety.

I think this kind of difficulty is at the crux of the anxiety for me. People are misunderstanding difficulties as deliberate rudeness. And fearing that interactions are quite likely to 'go wrong' in some way due to ASD is exactly what is causing my anxiety, it would seem to me!