• Replies 13 replies
  • Subscribers 9 subscribers
  • Views 2586 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

overthinking impact of my diagnosis

Ladybird

I don’t write here often, still trying to sort myself out.

Probably I’m overthinking. 

I’m sure I’m overthinking. But. There’s always a “but”.

I’ve got anxiety disorder and residual depression and I agree with my therapist that they are separate from ASD. Because not everyone with autism has anxiety disorder or depression.

I was told that I put too much emphasis on ASD and should focus on getting rid of my anxiety and depression and improving my self esteem instead of bringing up ASD.

I agree but then I think that my anxiety and depression are linked to ASD so it’s not that they are completely separate. 

So I don’t know how to treat them.

I can’t ignore ASD completely.

And then it’s this masking thing. 

I shouldn’t mask my autism but I should “fake it till you make it” to get rid of anxiety, depression and low self esteem.

Fake it, don’t mask it. 

It’s so confusing.

Maybe I should just forget that I got diagnosed. 

But then there was a reason that led me to diagnosis. If I wouldn’t have issues I wouldn’t seek diagnosis, I wouldn’t seek answers.

I feel mentally unable to move in n any direction.

Because I’m not sure what to do, how far should I push myself and how to do it safely.

I got my diagnosis, I got my answer and now I‘m not sure what to do with it. Because apparently “it doesn’t matter”, “you’re still you”, “you focus on it too much”. So I’m not allowed to bring it up because “it doesn’t matter”. 

It matters to me. I didn’t want diagnosis just to have another label, another pin badge. 

Or maybe I am just a snowflake.

Parents

  • I’ve been trying to come up with some analogy and I thought of different sexual orientation. It’s not a problem in itself but someone might develop low self esteem, anxiety and depression due to being bullied and/or ostracised because of their sexual orientation. So it’s not an issue but it is an issue.

    I wasn’t born with anxiety but developed it due to not fitting in and being ostracised. And depression followed.

    So maybe it comes down to self acceptance?

    But then, I think, because I’m not exactly having tons of friends (so nothing to lose) I might as well be open about being autistic and f*** the rest.

    Know my worth, nothing to hide.

    Including at work because interactions with colleagues are not exactly going as smoothly as I would like them to and it makes me anxious.

    But then, most people would say it’s a bad idea, that attitudes will change and I would give people one more reason to be nasty. 

    But then I feel like I’m hiding myself in fear of being found out and labelled weird.

    So autism is not an issue. But  then it is.

  • in reply to Ladybird

    Autism is not the issue, it's other people's perception of some of the behaviours and traits that is the issue.

    I'm going through the same thing RE disclosure. I think it's a bad idea at work, I've heard of people receiving their P45, for ostensibly a different reason, about 4 weeks after telling their employer. Autism is a permanent thing with no cure, they may see a problem in that.

    Socially it may be different. I'm starting to think that if things are going badly and have come to a stage of nothing to loose then it may be worth disclosing. I'm struggling with a few people at a Monday night pool league due to the difficulties my ASD causes me. Some people there seem to think I'm some kind of rude and weird Twat. Maybe I am, but they just don't understand that I have social anxiety and many significant autism traits.

    I'm not deliberately being rude, i just cant deal with all the social niceties when a lot of people are around and lots of things happening, the only way i can deal is to reduce my focus so that i concentrate only on my match and opponent. Unfortunately this can come across as rudeness to other people. People don't like being slighted, which is how they perceive it. Hopefully I may develop strategies to improve things, otherwise I may risk a disclosure and see what happens.

Reply
  • in reply to Ladybird

    Autism is not the issue, it's other people's perception of some of the behaviours and traits that is the issue.

    I'm going through the same thing RE disclosure. I think it's a bad idea at work, I've heard of people receiving their P45, for ostensibly a different reason, about 4 weeks after telling their employer. Autism is a permanent thing with no cure, they may see a problem in that.

    Socially it may be different. I'm starting to think that if things are going badly and have come to a stage of nothing to loose then it may be worth disclosing. I'm struggling with a few people at a Monday night pool league due to the difficulties my ASD causes me. Some people there seem to think I'm some kind of rude and weird Twat. Maybe I am, but they just don't understand that I have social anxiety and many significant autism traits.

    I'm not deliberately being rude, i just cant deal with all the social niceties when a lot of people are around and lots of things happening, the only way i can deal is to reduce my focus so that i concentrate only on my match and opponent. Unfortunately this can come across as rudeness to other people. People don't like being slighted, which is how they perceive it. Hopefully I may develop strategies to improve things, otherwise I may risk a disclosure and see what happens.

Children
No Data