overthinking impact of my diagnosis

I don’t write here often, still trying to sort myself out.

Probably I’m overthinking. 

I’m sure I’m overthinking. But. There’s always a “but”.

I’ve got anxiety disorder and residual depression and I agree with my therapist that they are separate from ASD. Because not everyone with autism has anxiety disorder or depression.

I was told that I put too much emphasis on ASD and should focus on getting rid of my anxiety and depression and improving my self esteem instead of bringing up ASD.

I agree but then I think that my anxiety and depression are linked to ASD so it’s not that they are completely separate. 

So I don’t know how to treat them.

I can’t ignore ASD completely.

And then it’s this masking thing. 

I shouldn’t mask my autism but I should “fake it till you make it” to get rid of anxiety, depression and low self esteem.

Fake it, don’t mask it. 

It’s so confusing.

Maybe I should just forget that I got diagnosed. 

But then there was a reason that led me to diagnosis. If I wouldn’t have issues I wouldn’t seek diagnosis, I wouldn’t seek answers.

I feel mentally unable to move in n any direction.

Because I’m not sure what to do, how far should I push myself and how to do it safely.

I got my diagnosis, I got my answer and now I‘m not sure what to do with it. Because apparently “it doesn’t matter”, “you’re still you”, “you focus on it too much”. So I’m not allowed to bring it up because “it doesn’t matter”. 

It matters to me. I didn’t want diagnosis just to have another label, another pin badge. 

Or maybe I am just a snowflake.

Parents
  • Sounds like duff information from the Therapist to me. Are they even qualified in ASD to understand it enough to be able to tell you it's not that. I guess there are people with ASD who don't have Anxiety and/or Depression, but I'm yet to come across one!

     The whole sensory overload itself is a massive anxiety trigger for people, so until you establish what those triggers are for you, you'll be chasing your tail going to a therapist who clearly doesn't believe in ASD. I stopped seeing mine when I was diagnosed, because the diagnosis itself made more sense, and I'm doing fine.

    I hope you're not paying this person!

  • No, it NHS. I’ve got another session on Monday, see how it goes. 

  • Oh! Not had a great experience with NHS “therapist” myself.

    Out of interest how long ago were you diagnosed?

  • Yes, I assumed you were fairly new to the club! I was only diagnosed earlier this year too. Like you I had previous therapies. Some of which were necessary, most of which were around anxiety/depression.

    However, what I have found now though is that because I have become more aware of my own triggers (shopping centres, busy coffee shops, traffic noise etc) I can put things I place to be able combat a lot of the anxiety. I don't believe therapy will ever get you there, you need to do it yourself. 

    Take some time, take your time and just notice. "This morning I felt calmer, now I felt more anxious. What has changed?" For example. It might be walking along a busy road. So next time you are going to walk along a road where headphones and listen to music, and so on and so on....

Reply
  • Yes, I assumed you were fairly new to the club! I was only diagnosed earlier this year too. Like you I had previous therapies. Some of which were necessary, most of which were around anxiety/depression.

    However, what I have found now though is that because I have become more aware of my own triggers (shopping centres, busy coffee shops, traffic noise etc) I can put things I place to be able combat a lot of the anxiety. I don't believe therapy will ever get you there, you need to do it yourself. 

    Take some time, take your time and just notice. "This morning I felt calmer, now I felt more anxious. What has changed?" For example. It might be walking along a busy road. So next time you are going to walk along a road where headphones and listen to music, and so on and so on....

Children
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