I don’t write here often, still trying to sort myself out.
Probably I’m overthinking.
I’m sure I’m overthinking. But. There’s always a “but”.
I’ve got anxiety disorder and residual depression and I agree with my therapist that they are separate from ASD. Because not everyone with autism has anxiety disorder or depression.
I was told that I put too much emphasis on ASD and should focus on getting rid of my anxiety and depression and improving my self esteem instead of bringing up ASD.
I agree but then I think that my anxiety and depression are linked to ASD so it’s not that they are completely separate.
So I don’t know how to treat them.
I can’t ignore ASD completely.
And then it’s this masking thing.
I shouldn’t mask my autism but I should “fake it till you make it” to get rid of anxiety, depression and low self esteem.
Fake it, don’t mask it.
It’s so confusing.
Maybe I should just forget that I got diagnosed.
But then there was a reason that led me to diagnosis. If I wouldn’t have issues I wouldn’t seek diagnosis, I wouldn’t seek answers.
I feel mentally unable to move in n any direction.
Because I’m not sure what to do, how far should I push myself and how to do it safely.
I got my diagnosis, I got my answer and now I‘m not sure what to do with it. Because apparently “it doesn’t matter”, “you’re still you”, “you focus on it too much”. So I’m not allowed to bring it up because “it doesn’t matter”.
It matters to me. I didn’t want diagnosis just to have another label, another pin badge.
Or maybe I am just a snowflake.
