Depression and suicide thoughts

The MH nurse was very supportive. I felt quite a bit better after speaking to her. My GP practice called the next day and reduced my meds back to previous levels, as the increase was likely causing the negative effects. I also got prescribed some extra meds for anxiety, which seem to be working well.

Thanks for your kind words.

Yes: doing for others is the most amazing way into freedom.  You have already done it by posting here allowing readers to forget about their problems real or imaginary or …as they consider how their best self might also lead your best self into the light 

I’ve just read it now.  It is so beautiful.  I found it very powerful and moving.  Thank you, Desmond79

Thank you so much for your provision of these lifesaving contacts 

Well done on reaching out.  You are doing all the right things.  I’m with you in spirit my friend 

I'm feeling that way today. Extremely so.

Have ended up calling 111 and am awaiting a call back from Mental Health Team following talking to the 111 GP on the phone.

Really scared of how I feel.

For whatever it's worth, I know exactly how you feel. Hopeless, Depressed, permanently suffering from Anxiety, just want it all to stop and go away, waking up in the morning with NOTHING to look forwards to and just another day ahead of you. What's the point? Was there ever a point? Why am I actually here, since I am never happy and do nothing but suffer? Can't enjoy reading, tv or films since cannot relax, going for walks does very little, exercises like walking to take mind off of things is almost pointless-pretty much no effect at all. Even working on computers doesn't help, you just feel more and more awful and sick of it all.

There IS no point, you just have to go on, but why? ON the hope that it can, that it WILL get better?

I'm almost 43 and have known about my Aspergers Syndrome since I was in my 20's. None of it helps-there have been people and rare organisation who have helped, like the NAS, Elite Supported Employment and Autism Spectrum Connections Cymru. But, personally? You just have to keep going, more often than not. Find someone who is no-questions-asked on your side who you can talk to, discuss issues with and will be there for you whenever you need them. That MIGHT JUST get you through-it held me together for a while, until the person who helped me moved to another post in the NAS.

I know others, but I am not very good at staying in touch with them-which is more important than I can say. Don't make my mistakes, find those who can and will help you be you and hang onto them tight. Also, just remember that no matter how rough things may get there is always light at the end of the tunnel-it just gets very hard to see sometimes. That's when you need help.

Stay safe and smile, you can do this.

Hi dark cloud, really sorry to hear you feel like that.

Speaking as an older person who has dealt with this for a long time, something that has helped me in the past, is to think, even if I forget about myself and do something- any little thing for someone else to help them, then your net worth as a human being has gone up.

It doesn't need to be much. 

Then another day do something else to help someone. It's surprising how it can get you out of a hole.

Hope that helps

Read Desiderata. That prose will help you feel better.

its ok and very common to have suicidal thoughts. 

I have them all the time, they are part of me, and I let them drift away.

Its good u wont act on them.

Death (for Buddhists) is just the next natural step. 

You will, I hope, find out like did there are people out there who can help-and will. Inside the NAS and outside. The saddest thing is, you have to find the, The Jobcentre should be directing them to you, I think.

I feel a sense of being trapped and I get hope from what you write about help within NAS.

I've felt like this, because of a job I held which nearly finished me because I had no apparent way out and absolutely hated it. What saved me was finding a person, from the NAS, who understood me and was able to not only get me out of that job but into a situation where I was actually doing work and meeting people, which I enjoyed doing. Sometimes you just haven't met the right person, or people, yet. I would suggest getting on to the NAS for help and probably Counselling, the right kind of help at the right time can work wonders.

Hang on in there, things can and will get better.

Hi Dark Cloud,

I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time, it’s good that you’ve let us know what’s happening/how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay. 

You may like to take a look at our page about depression,

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/depression/autistic-adults

If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.

If it’s outside your GP hours call  111  to reach the NHS 111 service:

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/

The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org.

MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful. 

If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.

You can find more information here:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/suicide

Hope this helps. Take care!

Kind regards,

Eunice Mod

keep writing here to update us 

I identify with you.  The kind contributors here are the beginning of your help.   For me Sickness is within my thinking snd not in the universe out there.  Help is not in my thinking but it is outside.  I had and still have thoughts like yours.  I am getting help: I am finding medication useful and there also other activities fellowships and contact which I need. 
I wish you well.  May you get closer and closer to what you need.

You get bored easily while doing things, and you likely have depression and a lack of motivation to do things, so seeing a doctor would be good, because they might give you an antidepressant, and if one type of antidepressant does not work, there's another type you could try, and it's because everyone's bodies are different.

And a therapist might be able to help you further. I mean to me, you sound like you've gone through some sort of bullying or trauma in the past, so your perception of how others think of you is distorted. People might like you, but you probably have trouble believing that. I think that because you have negative views about yourself, it's hard for you to see what others truly think of you. So getting help and learning methods to change your internal dialogue might help. 

It's a good start sharing how you feel. I have had similar thoughts and feelings. I spoke to my doctor and got help there. I am also trying to get some counselling. That might be a good next step for you.