Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I'm Adam, I'm 27, and I'm autistic. I've been single for my entire life because women don't seem to be interested in me. I have no idea why, I'm reasonably attractive. My first attempt at getting a girlfriend was a complete disaster because I ended up getting banned from a building and the woman never wants to see me again. This has put me into a vicious cycle of depression and anxiety. I'm scared to even approach a woman now, for fear that history might repeat itself. When I do finally pluck up the courage to ask a woman out, some of them say they have boyfriends, others say they're happy being single, so I can't win.
I currently have a crush on a work colleague but I can't pluck up the courage to say anything to her. Sometimes her body language and facial expressions can be quite off putting. I hope she doesn't think I'm a creep. Sometimes she looks around to see if I'm looking in her direction. We occasionally lock eyes with each other, but one of us ends up looking away. Sometimes it's her that looks away, other times it's me. I'm scared how she will react when I eventually make an approach. I know what I'm going to say, that's not the issue, it's just I don't want her reporting me to the management or anything of that nature. In the past people have reported me to the management when I didn't even do anything wrong. I don't see what's wrong with just asking someone out. They have the option to say yes or no. The management are aware that I'm autistic. I want to get to know her, but I'm constantly scared what the consequences might be if I talk to her.
I'm so upset that I can't get a partner, that I've even thought about self harm. I would never go through with the self harm, but the thoughts are distressing. A lot of women seem to assume that I'm only after one thing, but that's simply not the case, because I'm a gentleman. I wonder if anybody else is experiencing a similar situation to me. I get the impression that certain women don't want to interact with me. If that is the case, I don't know if I've done something wrong or not. They might just be shy.
Hi Awesome Adam.
How is everything? Re. girlfriend quest, it is important to remember that rules around behaviour in the workplace are there to make sure people feel comfortable. After all, they have to come into work nearly everyday - that shouldn't be distressing. Something which might make it distressing would be if they fear the repercussions of having rejected a work colleague. These might include intimidations and microagressions (NT behaviour!) but also anger, blame and a disproportionate sadness which comes partly from the accumulations of previous rejections - something which is not the responsibility of the individual woman you have just asked out. That is why some places have a blanket ban on relationships between colleagues. Make sure your workplace doesn't have such a policy. Assuming it doesn't, when you want to ask this woman out, keep it very casual. Perhaps walk out of the building with her at the same time and say you are going to grab a coffee and would she like to join you. Then, it is easy for her to say no, because she can just say she is busy. (Of course, she might be busy, but still interested in you, in which case she might arrange to meet you at another time.) If she does say no, smile and go for a coffee by yourself in a casual manner. That way, she won't fear the repercussions. Hope she says yes though.